OLD Came back

[LittleBlueGhosted]

Met a guy a while back through OLD, both mid 30s. We went on one date. It wasn't the best date ever, I felt there were a few awkward moments. But he seemed like a decent guy with a lot to offer and although I didn't fancy him, he wasn't unattractive.

He kept in touch after the date and asked if I wanted to go out again. I was honest and told him how i'd felt as above. (that it was a bit awkward at times and I didn't think the spark was totally there but it was the first meeting, first dates are awkward, that we got on and so i'd be willing to go out again) It didn't put him off me. He carried on texting me every few days.

We were both busy with work but finally we arranged a week night but didn't have solid plans as to time and place. In the meantime, he was still texting every few days, I started to think he wasn't too bad and liked him more. On the weekend before, we were texting and I didn't respond to the last text of the night as I fell asleep.

No contact after that, and as the week went on and we approached the Thur night we had planned to meet, I was feeling tired from work and thought I might need to cancel. Except he never texted to confirm plans. The date didn't happen.

The weird thing was, during the whole of that particular week I noticed he wasn't posting on social media which is odd for him. And even weirder, the next weekend, a week after last contact, he text me simply asking 'How are you? :)' with no explanation as to where he'd been for a week or why he never arranged the next date during the week when we'd penciled it in.

I haven't responded since then as I wasnt totally into it anyway but part of me wants to ask what happened? I feel a bit offended somehow that he didn't offer explanation but i'm also feeling I don't have the right to as I didn't contact him either?

Wondering if he was either not texting to see if I would. Or maybe he went on another date during last week and has now decided he preferred me so is getting in touch. I was up for the date despite being unsure, but now im wondering Should I give him another chance and text back or leave it?

This is one you just leave. It obviously wasn’t great for either of you or you’d have both made effort to push and meet up. Move on.

On the weekend before, we were texting and I didn't respond to the last text of the night as I fell asleep.

So then did you text him the next morning or sometime after? Or just simply not respond, and his was the last text?

If the latter, he probably thinks you're not interested. If I had been chatting to someone and they just stopped replying, that is what I'd think. I'm not a fan of double texting, I expect it to go back and forth. I'd not be offended if someone didn't get back to me right away or even the same evening if it was getting late, but I'd expect them to pick the conversation back up when they were free or the next day 🤷‍♀️

Either one of you could have firmed up the plans for the date...it doesn't have to be the man.

You're giving this way too much headspace.

Maybe

Let it go. Whichever way you look at it, not confirming, not turning up or not cancelling a date is piss poor behaviour. A text takes a few seconds to send. If neither of you can be bothered to communicate then what’s the point.

It sounds like you're expecting him to make all the effort because he likes you more.

This.

OK. Have you been OLD long?

When I did OLD many years ago, if I'd been on a lacklustre date, sometimes similar would happen. Tbh, if I felt as you did, I generally didn't continue texting afterwards but sometimes you fall into a habit of exchanging messages if they're a texter and you haven't got much else going on!

When they go quiet on you, it's generally because they're chatting with others and one of them has caught their attention. They chat with them, maybe meet up and you are almost forgotten about.

That's not a problem - not every man you chat to in real life is going to become a relationship either!

But then, if they have no luck elsewhere, they will quite often pop up at some point (like the drunk single man at the end of a Saturday night out) and see if an earlier iron might still be at least warm in the dying embers of the fire.

There's not sufficient interest on either side here. Don't be flattered that he's come back after no communication. Don't see that as a sign he can't stop thinking about you. With OLD it's far more likely he's got no one else of interest and someone is better than no one.

Sorry if that sounds brutal. OLD is brutal!

Yeah I think so. I think based on the fact he knew I had doubts after the first date but he still wanted to see me again anyway, you'd have thought he would be on his best behaviour in order to 'impress' me.

Now i'm just thinking hes unreliable like most of the other people you meet OLD and that his interest in me isn't so genuine after all.

@LittleBlueGhosted but you're the one who didn't text him back.

If I was him, I'd be thinking you weren't interested. Don't think you can blame this one on him. You didn't respond to his last two texts, why would he now chase you?

Stop giving it headspace. Move on to the next.

Personally I would move on.