What should I do, if anything, about this friendship? (Might be long)

[MummyPenguin]

I have a friend who I met at our children's school. We have boys in the same class. We've been friends for quite a few months now and as well as seeing each other at school and in the park after school and so on, we've also had nights out and days out in the holidays. We get on really well and she's a real laugh.

Recently though, I've seen another side to her. We recently returned from a weekend away. We took our children with us, and were accompanied by my Sister and her DS. During this short holiday, my friend behaved very loudly and was on a couple of occasions aggressive towards other people there. I knew she was a bit mad, which is one of the reasons I liked her, but I've never seen her behave like she did while we were away. My Sister was quite embarrassed by her.

She has just split up with her partner, so I put her unpredictable behaviour down to that, and thought perhaps she's just 'lost the plot' a bit. She has become very cloying with me though, and I'm starting to find the friendship quite suffocating. She phones me every day, sometimes more than once, for no particular reason. There is a park on the way to school and she waits there in the mornings hoping to see me, but I'm usually arriving in the nick of time for school, so she ends up going ahead.

I know it's nice to have close friends, but I'm one of those people who doesn't like to be hounded and I do feel hounded by her. My DH doesn't really approve of her, and thinks I should try to cut ties a bit. I don't want to lose her friendship completely, but nor do I want her in my face all the time. It's a difficult one. I've thought that I should try to limit our time together to after school, and cut down on any other outings. Basically just keep her at arms length a bit.

Any thoughts?

i think i would try to tone things down a bit just so you feel more comfortable eg dont always pick up the phone - let it go to answerphone. Perhaps decide on a regular get together say once a week and then be busy the other times? Do try to be kind though - she sounds fun and is going through a tough time so its more a case of finding a balance that suits you too

what did she do to behave aggressively?

Oh yes, I often avoid her calls. It's got to the point where I have to.

She's just found out that her ex-Husband (not the partner she's just spilt up with) has recently started seeing another Mum at the school. This particular Mum is someone who my friend really doesn't like. I understand this is a difficult situation for her, and apparently her ex-DH has been talking to this other Mum about my friend and it's all getting a bit messy. I do sympatise, but my friend is just going on and on about it all the time, and I really have to work at being patient. I've given her my opinion and tried to be agood listener but it is getting a bit wearing.

i would find it wearing too - but - you never know when you or i could be in that situation - try to be patient

The aggrssive incident - we were watching a show in a venue at the place we were staying at, and my friend's DD was sitting in her seat and another woman was standing in my friend's DD's way, and my friend went over to the woman and told her to move. She didn't ask nicely though, if you get my drift. The woman still refused to move, and my friend was right in her face and swore at her. Then not long after that, there was another woman in my friend's DD's way, and my friend threw a small plastic bottle top at the woman.

The women standing in the way were in the wrong as adults had been asked to stand back off the dancefloor, so they shouldn't have been standing there, and were blocking seated people's view. But still, there's ways of making your feelings known, and I was a bit shocked at my friend's behaviour.

yes she was a bit extreme - i guess its hard to know if she is always like that or if recent events have made her edgy - she may calm down as time goes on

I'm not backing off from her entirely, and we're still good friends. However, I have to take my own feelings into account too, and I do feel suffocated by her at times, and need a bit of space, so I'm just gently and surreptitously keeping her at arms length a little bit. I'm still there if she needs me though.

She doesn't seem like a vunerable person, but I think it can be difficult to tell exactly what's going on under the surface as she's always acting the clown but perhaps this is a smokescreen to her real emotions.

For what it's worth, I don't think her splitting up with her partner is a bad thing, he's a waster and she's better off without him. I think she knows that too.