Neighbour has a problem with me, how to not let it bother me?

[Kosima]

I’ve lived in my home for just over 5 years now with no issue until a new family moved in next door 2 years ago. I chatted to the mum a few times, all very polite and civil with no issues.

She shouts at people in the street quite often and they have the police at their door fairly regularly, they get drunk in their front garden most weekends. They got a second car for the Dad last year and he started parking it outside my house whenever my car wasn’t there (no driveways) even though they have plenty of room to park further down the street because it’s not a busy road at all. I park my own car outside of my house if the space is free and a few months ago the mum came out shouting at me and being really aggressive, calling me names and demanding that I stop parking outside my house because that’s where they like to park. I was polite but firm and made it clear that I would be continuing to park outside of my house if the space was free, she began threatening me with the police so I gave up and walked away.

Since then I’ve been trying to ignore her but it’s been really stressful. Every time I get home from work there’s random objects like sweeping brushes, lawn chairs, boxes that she’s dumped outside my house which I need to get out of the car and manually move to be able to park. She stares me down from her garden anytime she sees me arrive home, and if he’s parked outside my house when I arrive home at weekends it now feels really awkward to have to park somewhere else because I know that they’re probably watching me and gossiping. They both angrily stare through my windows whenever they walk past my house and have started throwing rubbish over my garden wall. My kids have picked up on it and keep asking why the neighbours stare at them.

I don’t think there’s anything I can do legally, I asked them to stop but it’s clear that they enjoy bickering and they’re just hoping for a reaction. The whole thing is stressing me out and I’ve been avoiding leaving the house wherever I can because I hate confrontation and stress and my stomach knots up whenever I’m driving home from somewhere.

We rent privately and can’t afford to move for quite a while so sadly that’s not an option yet. I want to learn how to brush it off and not care that they don’t like us or what they’re saying about us, not let it bother me when they manage to block me from parking and are probably gloating about it and not feel stressed or intimidated when they’re both sat staring at me and muttering snide little comments. Frankly I need to learn how to just not give a f**k about those with no value to me. Where do I start?

What did your/their landlord say about them dumping rubbish and harassing you?

Serious answer.

Sounds boring, but do this. Get a notebook.

Write a summary of what's been happening, like your OP. Then from today's date, make a log of every single thing.

Monday 31 July - banana skin thrown into my garden.

Tuesday 1st Aug - neighbour sitting in front yard, shook fist at me when I parked in front of my house.

Etc.

Individual things are too small to complain about, but when you have a log, you show that you're not a crazy person who hates the neighbours because they don't go to bed at 8pm and they had a BBQ once last year. It is an objective record.

We have the same landlord, the family owns three different houses on this street

That's useful. Point out to the landlord that there is a covenant for quiet enjoyment, and ask him to take steps to ensure he is complying with it.

I proper lolled at that 🤣

This is horrible and not really about you being resilient or not. At least you are renting and don't own so have no qualms about making complaints of harassment (including putting rubbish in your garden etc.) and report any threats to the police and council etc. Keep a diary and I would also consider some Eufy cameras (no subscription unlike Ring) that cover your gardens back and front. That might be a deterrent... but ultimately you probably want to make a plan to move, even if it is some way off, as they just sound like dreadful people. The long term effects of stress like this aren't good for you.

I don't see that you have done a single thing wrong to antagonise them. The only thing I can think of its that there is no man in your house, and because they watch your comings and goings, they know this and think they can bully you and your children with impunity? I would move, personally, because the landlord won't do anything and life is too short for this. It is the only good thing about private renting - one month's notice if your neighbours are feral, and you can get out.

Call the police, each and every time.

The landlord needs to deal with this

And say what? My neighbour keeps looking at me and may have left a chair outside but I have no evidence - just as well the police have absolubtely nothing else to do.🙄

Well mad neighbour must be sitting in a wetsuit or in a tent in her front garden all day in this weather.

I find raising eyebrows with a smile = a puzzled question asked silently and in a non confrontational way. Try it.

Journal everything.
Cameras/doorbell
If you get video evidence of anyone from their house litttering your front area, gently place it back.

Log with police and council. Especially the fly tipping, as pp said councils like to tackle that one.

Dog Owners - AIBU.
I don’t have a dog.
I have a skip outside my house atm with garden waste and bricks in it plus various crisp packets dropped in by passers by.
I happened to be on my porch when I saw a man with a dog and as he walked past he threw his little bag of dog poo in my skip. I could just imagine a few days on when the bag splits or it gets hot and I have a pile of shite in the skip, stinking and covered in flies right next to my path.
so I hooked it out with a broom by the bag handles, popped it onto an empty box and went off to find him. I was just giving up and wondering what one is supposed to do with bags of dog poo when I spotted him walking back. So I pulled in front of him, wound down the window and tossed the bag of shite at his feet saying “I believe this is yours, it doesn’t belong in my skip, it will stink.”
he then mumbled something about it not stinking as it’s in a bag and I told him not to bother trying to justify it, called him disgusting and drive off.
Now I feel bad. He was quite elderly, with an old grey shouted hound and I feel
like going out in the car to look for him again to give him a bar of chocolate snd an apology for being such a cow.
So … my question is, as a dog owner, would you just see a slip on someone’s drive as a bin and toss poo in?
AIBU for returning it to its owner?

Agree

You need to start your own thread.

I really feel for people that live next door to bastards.

Good on you still parking in front of your house when you can.

I probably wouldn’t react because I think that would just stoke the fire, but I definitely wouldn’t look away if she was staring at me. I’d look right through her as if she wasn’t there.

What vile bullies, who have bred and nurtured vile bully kids.

I would try to move sooner because your home should be your haven 💐

Just offering sympathy, I had a similar situation with neighbours, it only stopped when they moved. I hope your neighbours move soon op.

She is intimidating you. That is antisocial behaviour. I would be looking to move elsewhere and make sure that on moving day someone posts some dog shit through their letterbox

Toomuchtrouble4me

Start your own thread, it's really rude and obviously makes replying really difficult when someone piggybacks onto an existing thread!

You don’t know any big rugby players or similar do you to come round and hang out for a bit?

Bit of a different answer, but have you tried coming out with a chair and a asking if she fanciea a cuppa and sitting and talking to her out front and seeing what happens? Kind of like nothing bad has ever happened and just go out there bold and friendly, 'You alright 'cuntyneighbourname', how are you?' and start chatting away about your/her kids, asking how she's getting on with garden etc. Talk about plants in the front garden etc. 'Your bush is looking nice' 😂
Trust me this approach REALLY throws dumb twats like that and they start to like you/leave you alone.

Had to do this myself and I hated talking to them but it was fun watching them change their attitude to the point where they thought I was too batshit to bother. And then the fuckers moved away!

Genius!

I’d speak to the asb team at your local council. It is harassment and there’s various things they can do and advice they can offer, especially as the family is known to the police. If you’re a single parent I’d make it clear they are making you feel unsafe and vulnerable. Once your shared landlord starts getting complaints through them it may well wake them up a bit, but if you don’t feel like they’re getting anywhere, take it up with your local councillor too.

I do sympathise, my DS had a similar situation with her neighbour who’d chuck rubbish over the fence into her garden or break off bits of fence and lob them over. The neighbour is on my DS’s blink camera carefully sweeping her driveway into a dustpan then tipping the rubbish over the fence. Batshit.

The best revenge is to live well. Just be happy, it will hurt them.

I work in criminal defence and to be honest I doubt the police would take much interest in this as it stands.

They're looking for a reaction from you so refuse to give them one. Don't stare back, don't engage in conversation, just move the stuff in the way. Keep calm and they'll get bored soon enough.

Good luck, I've had twat neighbours myself and it's draining x