Haven’t felt heartbroken for a long time. How do I get past it?!

Kernsworld · 2023-08-01T13:32:02+00:00

My last real relationship ended over 10 years ago, and it was mutual so no heartbreak or pining or anything. I’ve been dating for a long time and then I met someone and we got into a really great relationship, it was happy and fun and everything I’d been looking for really. He was just as into it, and more affection etc than I was. It was lovely. But complicated outside of us due to exes and kids and all the rest of it. Anyway, it’s ended. And I wish it hadn’t but it is over and I all I want to do is text him and try and fix it. But I can’t. Would like to maintain some dignity so I just needed a place to vent and type stuff out without messaging him!

watchwhich · 01/08/2023 15:31

Why did it end?

Zanatdy · 01/08/2023 15:35

What reason is it over? Assume he ended it?

Original poster

Kernsworld · 01/08/2023 18:11

i got annoyed about something which was out of his control, and we didn’t speak for a couple days and he just wants to move on from this as the circumstances won’t change, so we’ll have the same fight over and over.
I know that’s vague but I know someone is on here who knows all about it!

OP posts:

watchwhich · 01/08/2023 18:55

That sounds very cryptic but sounds as though you're the one who is ending it so the way you get past your heartbreak is to thoroughly own your decision.

Original poster

Kernsworld · 01/08/2023 19:01

No, I mean he wants to move on from me and him. Rather than talk about the stuff. It’s his ex and the kids. She is mad he has a new girlfriend (she left him a long time ago) but she is still mad, and he got stressed and ratty with me about the difficulty in seeing his kids coz she was angry and refusing to hand them over during his days.
I got mad that he was angry around me about it, and basically he needs to be single so his ex stops being angry about it.

OP posts:

whatthefuckisnext · 01/08/2023 19:54

He needs to grow a pair of balls, he's not for you. I got dumped in similar circumstances 3 weeks ago and it was brutal but I've gone no contact, accepted he's not for me and I'm moving on. There's been a LOT of tears but they're drying now 🙂

Littlemisslonley · 01/08/2023 20:09

I'm going through the heartbreak stage currently it's really awful feel sorry for you op wish we didn't have to feel this

belei1922 · 01/08/2023 20:19

Me too op . Met this man who I fell totally in love with basically on first site . I never believed in it at all . I have been in relationships and my first partner I thought was the love of my life until I met this man and what I felt for my ex was nothing in comparison. Anyways . He felt the same as me . And for close to a year things were amazing. The connection I felt when with him was so strong . I felt like and still do feel like I knew him in another life . Oddly he said the same thing .

He and his wife ended for a while . When I met I didn't know any of this I assumed he was single and he didn't mention her for weeks .

Then he messaged me to meet up with him and basically said he can't see me anymore because he's getting back with his wife . I can't go in to it but it's not for the right reasons . He said that if we continued seeing each other I would get hurt and he didn't want that. Said how much he loved me and that was that .

I see him most days because he lives half a mile from my apartment. Iv never felt so crap in my life . I think about him 24/7 I feel like I have lost something . I know I have but I really need to get over all this ❤️

Littlemisslonley · 01/08/2023 20:40

belei1922 · 01/08/2023 20:19

Me too op . Met this man who I fell totally in love with basically on first site . I never believed in it at all . I have been in relationships and my first partner I thought was the love of my life until I met this man and what I felt for my ex was nothing in comparison. Anyways . He felt the same as me . And for close to a year things were amazing. The connection I felt when with him was so strong . I felt like and still do feel like I knew him in another life . Oddly he said the same thing .

He and his wife ended for a while . When I met I didn't know any of this I assumed he was single and he didn't mention her for weeks .

Then he messaged me to meet up with him and basically said he can't see me anymore because he's getting back with his wife . I can't go in to it but it's not for the right reasons . He said that if we continued seeing each other I would get hurt and he didn't want that. Said how much he loved me and that was that .

I see him most days because he lives half a mile from my apartment. Iv never felt so crap in my life . I think about him 24/7 I feel like I have lost something . I know I have but I really need to get over all this ❤️

That's so horrible for you...I'm so sorry.... hand Hold through these times but you will get through them lovie.

You will just end up hurt 😞 you got this

Original poster

Kernsworld · 01/08/2023 22:44

belei1922 · 01/08/2023 20:19

Me too op . Met this man who I fell totally in love with basically on first site . I never believed in it at all . I have been in relationships and my first partner I thought was the love of my life until I met this man and what I felt for my ex was nothing in comparison. Anyways . He felt the same as me . And for close to a year things were amazing. The connection I felt when with him was so strong . I felt like and still do feel like I knew him in another life . Oddly he said the same thing .

He and his wife ended for a while . When I met I didn't know any of this I assumed he was single and he didn't mention her for weeks .

Then he messaged me to meet up with him and basically said he can't see me anymore because he's getting back with his wife . I can't go in to it but it's not for the right reasons . He said that if we continued seeing each other I would get hurt and he didn't want that. Said how much he loved me and that was that .

I see him most days because he lives half a mile from my apartment. Iv never felt so crap in my life . I think about him 24/7 I feel like I have lost something . I know I have but I really need to get over all this ❤️

It’s the worst when they send those messages. “I love you, I love being with you, our connection is so strong” blah blah blah but then “can’t be with you.”

I just want to get to the angry stage with him being so dismissive so quickly rather than dealing with the issues and then I want to not feel anything for him at all and just get one with it.

Luckily I will never see him again as he lives an hours drive away and our meeting was a totally fluke. Won’t happen again so I won’t see him again.

OP posts:

Saggypickledtits · 02/08/2023 00:11

If he’s not man enough to grow a pair and stand up to her you’re much better off without him OP.

Imagine the rest of your life being controlled by an overlord ex, hell no!!

our connection is so strong

Hmm unlike his spine

VinEtFromage · 02/08/2023 00:30

@Kernsworld I'd suggest when you think about him, you picture a 'wet lettuce'. Remember he's let you down, badly! It wasnt out of his control, he just needed to find a spine.

yes, Exes and children complicates things, but it's the wet, twattish, spineless way they deal with it that does the damage.

being 'fun' is great, but adulting isn't important!!

try to see the real him, that'll help you accept it.

But Irrespective of how/why a breakup happens, I 'cope/get back on my feet' is by remembering that I've done it before & have been OK. It just takes time and distraction/a project, until I get to that point.

you're stronger than you think & you'll get through this shit xx

Meetdaisydoo · 02/08/2023 08:16

It seems rather odd that after such an extensive amount of time his Ex is so angry at him. I can’t imagine that dynamic will ever change. No way to live your life. Who knows what the true backstory is there. You only ever hear one side and that’s his.

He sounds to me like a commitment phobe. Enjoys the dating, the chase and the sex but not the realities of a relationship and settling. He has shown his true colours in that he can drop you without a second thought.

I am assuming your lives were not too intertwined if things have ended so abruptly and that there’s no house, kids etc together. In which case thank your lucky stars you are not in that situation.

You’ve got this and you will be ok. You liked him but he wasn’t the right one for you and that’s ok.

Original poster

Kernsworld · 02/08/2023 21:08

I failed at maintaining my self worth and I messaged him. We had an almighty row and yup, confirmed that he has no spine and is, in fact, a bit of an ass. So that feels better to know he absolutely won’t do anything to work on the stuff with his ex or maintain a relationship.

OP posts:

Meetdaisydoo · 02/08/2023 21:55

At least you have the clarity. If his Ex has been this difficult for years, the situation sounds very unlikely to change. Were you together for long?

Littlemisslonley · 02/08/2023 23:03

Kernsworld · 02/08/2023 21:08

I failed at maintaining my self worth and I messaged him. We had an almighty row and yup, confirmed that he has no spine and is, in fact, a bit of an ass. So that feels better to know he absolutely won’t do anything to work on the stuff with his ex or maintain a relationship.

I did the same today and messaged my spineless arsehole and I can also confirm mine has spun everything onto me and it's my fault even though he's been inappropriate with 3 different women and basically cheated in plain sight and definitely is having a sort of emotional affair with his female "friend" 🙃

Fuck them. Enough of this shit. It's done let's leave it done now what's the point in prolonging the agony