Is my friend using me?

[Joder]

My old childhood best friend D (40f) and me (40f) have recently gotten back in touch and everything has been going fine, apart from her arranging nights out and then cancelling on me at the last minute because of some ailment or other.
She recently cancelled her daughter’s night out for her 21st birthday party and told me she blatantly lied to her kid by saying she was Ill ( the same excuse she has used on me so many times!). Her daughter is now not talking to her.
She is always at the doctor because she has free healthcare. Where we come from, if you don’t work, you get free healthcare. Which sucks for the rest of us who do work to be honest
She goes to A & E for the tiniest of problems!lately, she has been phoning me for lifts to these places which are a good 30 minute drive and she never offers me payment. And then I have to hang around waiting for her which is the worst part!
Ive done in three times in the past week and I am so sick of it now!
I need to back off from her as she is actually annoying me at this stage. She’s treating me like a taxi service and I have two young kids at home. My husband tells me to just say no.
Is she using me? her doctor told her after her last visit that her ailments are all down to her weight, as she is very obese. She was furious!
AITA if I cut her off slowly but surely? I really don’t have time for Someone this needy!

Of course she is.

You must be out of your mind to be entertaining this.

If I was your husband I would be so pissed off at you allowing yourself to be made such a fool of by someone so unpleasant.

She sounds like an awful person.

Mute her number and NEVER answervthe phone to her again.

Everything you said is correct.

I have a childhood friend (male) who was everything I could have wished for as a childhood friend, fun, smarty, kind and loyal.

After a few decades met up again and he was awful. In my mind he was still that wonderful little boy and other than reminiscing over shared childhood memories it was very sad to admit to myself that he was no longer that amazing little boy.

Your old friend is just that, an old friend and should be relegated to the past.

Thank you, I needed to hear this!

Just stop answering the phone. If she messages you then don't reply for a couple of hours and then just say sorry, busy.

There's probably a reason why you stopped being friends in the first place OP.

She is using you! Tell her your busy next time she asks for a lift or whatever else she wants from you. It’s no friendship. You deserve better x

I think you’re right, sadly 😢 she was always too much for me, very needy all the time!

Ive agreed stupidly to do it this evening as she caught me on the bloody hop and I couldn’t think of an excuse.
but I’ve decided now to not reply to her texts very often and always be busy!
I’ve told my husband this is the last time.
she actually had the nerve to phone me at 9:30 Sunday morning, looking for a lift to out of service Dr as she hadn’t slept for the past two nights! I just ignored her. She ended up having to get two buses. Not my problem!
sunday is the only day me and the hubby get a lie in after working all week 😡

EDIT, meant to say she asked me last week about doing tonight’s trip and I decided that that would be the last one. Hence not answering her Sunday. I’m getting there! 😂

UPDATE: I’ve just cancelled tomorrow night! Fuck her, she’s cancelled on me more times than I can remember! Thanks everyone!
no more being a walkover 😂

Id do what she does and cancel last minute. Start as you mean to go on OP and if she kicks off about it then it's just more fuel to cut her off surely.

Snap! 😂

👏Well done @Joder !
Honestly in the long run will be the best thing you've ever done.

Thank you!
My husband is delighted with me, and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
I would have been one hour on the road, there and back, and probably another hour and a half waiting around for her.
When she cancelled going to her daughter’s 21st, me and her were meant to have a few wines before hand and she cancelled me too, even though she admitted there was nothing wrong with her and she lied to her only daughter! I was so disappointed, so because of that, I don’t feel one iota of guilt right now.

Well done.

Remember if you want to fill your life with users, it really isn't difficult.

That anyone would do that to their own child is just awful.

Keep reminding yourself of that and ask yourself what is going on with YOU, that you would want to be near someone who could be so casually unkind to their own child?

Good luck.

Exactly, and to make things so, so much worse, she walked out on her daughter when she was only a little girl. Her Father single handedly reared her. It was very sad!

She doesn’t sound very nice - friends are not meant to be hard work and stressful.

Thank you! I don’t really have many friends so I wasn’t sure if this is how friendships work or not 😢

She sounds like a really awful person!

I'd have no hesitation in telling her she's a lying hypochondriac and a lousy mother and friend, and to go Fuck herself!

If I could ˋlike‘ this comment, I would!
Ive been through a really traumatic year with losing my mum, and my only sister, who I considered my best friend, falling out with me over mum‘s will, I think my friend may have preyed a bit on my vulnerability 😢 she was always texting me daily before she jumped in with the requests for the lifts!
on one of my previous posts about my mum dying and two friends not being there for me, she was the one who said she couldn’t make the funeral because she was waiting on me to send her times etc! I really have been a fool.

I'm so sorry things have been so hard for you.

Focus on yourself and your family.

Having friends is nice, but not worth it if they are user losers like her.

You are a nice person who deserves better.

Start with being nice to you.

A simply exercise is to keep asking yourself "if I do this, am I being loving and kind to Joder? is this situation being kind to Joder? is this person being loving kind, a good friend/sister to Joder?"

Listen carefully to the answer your gut gives you to these questions.

Honestly, users are ten a penny.

Thdy add NOTHING to anyones life.

Thats dhy when you cut one off, you often feel relief.

This relief comes from your gut screaming at you "Finally you listened to me and got rid".

@billy1966 thank you 🙏

Jeez - she is a user by the sounds of things! You are expected to drop everything and take her on some wild goose chase to A&E… 3 times in one week!!! I’d cut her off. Just keep saying you are busy. If she has an issue, tell her you have your own life. Then just leave it at that. You don’t need people like this in your life. Alternatively you could come right out and say, listen I’m not really happy with x y z… and let her rant on if she doesn’t like it. I can’t stand people who think of others as their personal cab that doesn’t need payment! I’m sure you only touched on the tip of the iceberg with her using there!

@Rockyroad101 I haven’t heard from her since I cancelled and I am so glad!
She’s the type that texts EVERY SINGLE MORNING to say “morning”! I have to keep my phone on silent because it starts from 7:30, even on a bloody weekend when I’ve asked her not to as she keeps waking me up 😡