I'm not really sure where to begin, I never thought we would be going through this
I'm 46 female and my husband is 53. So I'll start from beginning theirs alot
We met online 6 years ago hit it off more or less straight away had lots of things in common both so adventurous. So we had a couple of dates and we are still together 6 years later, we got married a year and half ago it was the best day of both of our lives
Wedding have honeymoon due to just getting over covid and money so we decided to book a holiday this year we went to Eygypt sharm el sheikh on 18th June 2023.
I'm going to go back now from our dates when we got together I moved in with him in July 2017 we had our first date may 5th 2017
So I then decided I wanted a kinky relationship BDSM which we both consented to with a proper contract
After we decided this is what we want to do we became master and sub which practically took over we didn't want no vanilla anymore things got quite serious and we looked into that lifestyle a bit .ore went to dungeons and adult clubs let me just add we are not swingers it didn't interest us at all we just interacted with each other which was such a turn on and exciting. I remember my friends asking me how we are and I said we have something so special we will be together forever.
Okay so this was our lifestyle then we went to Amsterdam where he proposed obviously I said yes but we also started smoking weed and we were just wild having the best times, this carried on at home where we were caning the weed it gave us such a buzz when we were on it heightened our senses so much buch we had the come downs which wasn't so good
In 2019 I was poorly and covid hit and I had to shield for nearly 2 years because I had no immune system so I was very susceptible to catching anything
My partner then had a few job changes which made him quite poorly and he really regrets finishing his first job but at the time something he thought were better came along
I got a collapsed lung and a blood clot back in august so was quite poorly again but
Anyway so 2020 I got a job for a year but I really wanted more I was told I couldn't work with people with having no immune system so I settled in this job and then started getting a treatment for it where my partner is trained to administer it at home. FF to 2021 December we got married we had photos done by the mistress at our dungeon because her and her husband became good friends, we had a normal wedding day but Incorporated a few things in our lifestyle because it meant so much to us
My Husband now as even had a tattoo of me has his submissive tattooed on his back with rope tied round my wrists we both thought this would really bond us together and by the way this was my husbands idea
We do already have a lock and he has the key with a couple of meanings in there showing us has sub and master. So we've had our ups and downs like anyone really
Then probably just after the wedding a couple of months he says he feels his body is changing and we struggle with our lifestyle
I'm a very demanding and sexualy active person so I know something around that point affected him he went to the doctors and explained he thinks he's low on testosterone and had some tests but things came back okay, the doctor was meant to make another appointment but it didn't happen and we all know work and life takes over so things were a little tricky but I think we just got on best we could.My husband had a abusive ex wife before me and she kicked him between the legs he has to have tablets to get erected but this as never bothered me we've been great and most of the time I could really turn him on.
I get a great job in April 2023
Husbands jobs great everything is looking up I've not been poorly for over a year
We go on our honeymoon and talk about anticlimax
We had a great time but alot of it was forced, we came back and he told me
He doesn't feel right things with us aren't right he cant explain but after everything we've done he feels broken and nothing inside
He says he never wanted to dominate me but didn't want to loose me
He says I know what you like and I know you want more but I can't give you what you desire anymore I don't want it and my body can't take it
He says we've damaged from what we've done in our past
He told me everything the other night because his tablets went missing when he went to work, he also started working away alot, so I said are you cheating because he's not touched me since July Egypt over a month
He says he's just wanking but my thoughts at the moment are all over
He is going this Friday to see mental health nurse
and we have separate marriage counseling in 2 weeks
It hurts so much
He said on top of everything else that he's not in love with me anymore I really don't know what to think
He also broke down and told me the unthinkable happened when he was 14
He's not told anyone but why tell me now
We've been together 6 years and I'm his wife.
Sorry for the long thread but I've had to get everything out.
I'm really run down with a cold at the minute
I really hope someone can help
Any advice or support
Thank you