I just feel quite hopeless I’ll never find the connection I need to feel with someone in order to have a relationship.
I’ve been in relationships, I’ve seen people casually, but almost every time I felt like something was missing. I used to think I had avoidant attachment but seeing it now (and having done a loooot of therapy) I can see that really, there just wasn’t that connection. I’ve struggled in long relationships with good guys trying to make myself fit, silencing my deeply felt yearning, and it has always been useless: eventually it would just be too much and cause myself too much pain.
I’m neurodivergent (gifted, in this case) and I think it has a lot to do with that. I need to feel like we see the world through similar eyes, and process it similarly. I need to be able to express myself as I am and for the other person to understand me, at least more or less. Of course there will always be differences. But I’ve experienced it once or twice before and I just know that that connection is possible.
The thing is, I just feel quite hopeless I’ll ever find it again. I’m young and there’s plenty of time, but it just seems so difficult. It’s not that I don’t know how to be single – I’ve been single most of my adult life. But I do yearn for a partnership.
Do any of you have stories of losing all hope of finding a connection, and then meeting someone?
Even if they don’t have anything to do with ND/NT. I could really use them to feel a bit more hopeful. I want to tell myself that it might happen to me at some point as well 😅
Thanks a lot <3