Husband and Only Fans

[Enfys1]

Not sure where to begin really.

Have been married to DH for 6 years, together for 12. We have 2 small DC. On the whole I’d say we have a strong relationship and have been trying for a 3rd DC, which sadly ended in miscarriage.

Last night I was lying next to DH in bed, he must have thought I was asleep, and I could see him liking pictures of women on his instagram.

This afternoon I’ve had a look at his instagram followers list and can see he mostly follows Only Fans models, a number of whom appear to be transgender. I’ve fallen down a rabbit hole of looking at the (public) profiles of these ‘models’ and he is liking all of their pictures. I can also see he’s like pictures of other girls in underwear who appear to live locally.

I feel physically sick, totally inadequate and heartbroken. I feel he is being sneaky and disrespectful. I suppose he probably subscribes to their Only Fans and god knows what that costs. It seems so much more personal and hurtful than just looking at porn but I’m struggling to articulate this.

I want to confront him but I am worried he will be dismissive and make out that I’m being dramatic.

Didn't want to read and run, although have no advice. Have you told him what you have found?

It depends if this a dealbreaker for you. I could understand watching porn on occasion, I have in the past, but I would be upset to find taking the time to like Insta photos. I don’t know what the point of it is? It’s not really the same thing. OF is expensive too so that’s another issue. It’s ok for you to be upset by this and I think you do need to tell him how you feel.

I haven’t spoken to him yet. I’m trying to work out what to say so his listens and understands how I feel. I’m worried he will be dismissive.

Before you talk to him, are you clear about what your boundaries are? What is tolerable, acceptable and unacceptable to you? If you go in with that in mind, it'll be easier to hold your ground and not get persuaded away from it.

How do you feel about liking the Instagram pics? How would you feel if he were using OF?

What's your dealbreaker? Your cut off?

I wouldn't worry too much about making sure he understands how you feel.

He knows.

Otherwise, he'd not be waiting for you to fall asleep before he did it.

He's deffo down the porn rabbit hole. Yuck. I have tried to watch it but it's just fucking gross. I don't think he will stop, it's up to you if you accept it.

Oh and he will be dismissive. But that doesn't mean he doesn't understand.

Contrary to some women's opinions, men are not as clueless or naive as they pretend to be nor are they oblivious to the impact of their behaviour on their partners. It's just suits them to disregard it.

Otherwise, women wouldn't find out about these things through snooping or by accident or by walking into a room at the wrong time or by waking up etc. They'd already know because their partners would have been open about it.

I think there is a massive distinction between Porn and Only fans/ Instagram.

Porn is more generic and less personal than Onlyfans and Social Media. You go online, scroll to watch, jerk off and switch off.

Onlyfans is your picking and interacting with an individual, and again with social media - your connecting with a individual.

You need to know where your boundaries lie. The occasional bit of porn use wouldn't bother me - I've done it myself and it means NOTHING. However I would regard OF and Social Media interactions as cheating. 100%
Especially if they are local girls. A lot of OF girls are prostitutes.. you have to draw the line at what he is tempting himself with.

Why don't you "be asleep" and, if he does it again ask him what hell he's doing, there and then? I'd be angry tbh

@Champagneponies that’s it. If he wants to watch porn - fine. It’s that he’s found these people, followed them on instagram, liked their photos and is probably paying for it too. It just seems seedy and disrespectful 🤢

@Unicorn34 I might try and do that tonight.

Do you have joint finances? Could you look at the payments going out? Or does he have a separate card for naughty purchases? Not even sure how Only Fans would show up on a transaction list?

Finances are separate so can’t check.

I confronted him, he just shrugged his shoulders, said he doesn’t know how they got there and said there must be something wrong with me to be asking. He’s gone out now.

Bastard.

He can make it sound you being dramatic but you know how YOU feel about it and thats the most important thing. If he was semidecent he would have YOUR feelings about it as a main priority for him as well, especially now...

@Enfys1 I’m so sorry.
What a little Pschitt he is.

Young children seem to be a huge factor in men being utter selfish arseholes.

A man said that when a man sees his wife give birth, it stops him seeing her as a desirable person- I do wonder if there is something in this?
It seems so common that men cheat after babies/ young children come along.

The Internet has made it so easy for them to access “ Sexual services” as well.

Faithless gits.

He hasn’t even the balls to admit he’s been caught red handed.

What a coward.