Disappointed with my relationship

[Slingshotbands]

I’ll stick to basics rather than a rant, but I’m hoping someone here can rationally tell me if I’m being hormonal or if they would be fed up too?
been with my boyfriend for 4 years. We have a 3 month old baby. Marriage was never a big deal to either of us but when I got pregnant we decided one day it’ll be nice for us to do. He’s since insisted how excited he is to pick me a ring and propose.
Money hasn’t been great for the past few years, we get by and haven’t struggled but we don’t tend to have spare money for treats. He got a huge tax refund in June and I really thought he’d buy a ring. He spent a lot of the money on things for himself he needed like new clothes and paid off some debts. I’m not materialistic and didn’t expect him to buy me anything but I’m hurt he didn’t use some of the money on a ring, even a cheap one.
the money is all gone now (all spoken for and I know he’s not stashed a secret ring away) and I can’t help feeling like I don’t actually matter to him. My friends boyfriends treat them to flowers and nice things sometimes but I just feel under appreciated and a ring would have made a big difference. I never buy myself anything or get treats, and while I don’t care about that kind of stuff it wouldn’t have put him in a poor financial situation to splash out a bit when he could afford to. AIBU?

I suppose though he might think he is being a good partner by making sure the money went on things that do benefit your relationship financially, such as clearing debts. I do agree that if he bought himself clothes he could have bought you something nice as a treat even some flowers. It does seem that he hasn’t considered you in this to some extent, not the ring but overall. I think it’s ok to ask him if he would like to move forward in getting married. Ultimately a ring is one small symbol of being a loving and caring committed partner, do you feel valued otherwise by him?

Thanks for your reply, it does make sense to be careful with the money and use it on important things over a ring. We do have a great relationship in general, we’re happy and in love. I couldn’t fault the help he gives me practically and around the house, he’s also a great father. Disappointed was probably the wrong word to use as I am happy, I guess I just thought he’d value me enough to treat me or buy a ring when he finally could. We’ll never see that sort of money again for many years so it’s upsetting.

Did you tell him you'd have liked a ring? If not there aren't really any grounds for being upset

@Slingshotbands It must be really disappointing, I actually think it’s ok to talk to him about this too, so that it doesn’t fester? If he is otherwise a good partner then perhaps it just didn’t cross his mind. If he’s supportive then he will understand you bringing it up and asking whether it’s something you still want to move towards?

Clearing debts is sensible, and if he needed clothes he needed clothes.

Surely clearing the debts will free up cash day to day.

Your friends whose boyfriends buy them flowers, are their boyfriends also good partners like yours is? Do they all share the load?

Why do you prioritize getting an engagement ring over actually getting married? I hope you haven't made yourself vulnerable by having a child with him without at least making concrete plans to get married. A wedding band and a register office wedding won't cost much.

I think he was sensible to pay off debts, however it was thoughtless and a bit selfish to buy himself things like clothes and not give a thought to his partner who's just become a new mother to his child.
Regarding a ring, maybe he thinks you're not bothered about marriage as you had previously said you weren't.
Sounds like you need an honest chat. Priorities change when you have a child, if marriage means more to you now then let him know that.