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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling sad about my relationship history..

5 replies

Neverthebride1 · 31/07/2023 14:48

I feel really sad about my relationship history and almost want to find peace from being single.

Boyfriend 1 - Age 17 - 21, naturally outgrew each other and I ended it.
Boyfriend 2 - Age 22-25 - Was a complete waster, no job, no home, was homeless and living fraudulently in a council house, I spent thousands of pounds on him and in the end look back and see that he financially abused me. He left me because he was cheating on me the entire time with a woman whom he now has 5 kids with.
Boyfriend 3 - Age 25-30 - Total man child, lived at home, had everything done for him, again naturally outgrew him and I ended it.
Boyfriend 4 - Age 30 - 34 - ABUSIVE EX whom I had a child with. Beaten, SA'd, mentally abused, emotionally abused, financially abused - ended up fleeing with DD5 and starting my life again.

Had a break from 30-37 to regroup and slowly try to get over the abuse. took the plunge and went onto a dating platform.

Boyfriend/lover 5 - age 37-38, it was just magical, he was perfect, easily could have been the one. We just clicked in every single way. I had butterflies seeing and speaking to him. But he was separated and not yet divorced. When the pivotal point came where he told his wife (can't call her ex wife as they aren't divorced) she emotionally blackmailed him and told him she wanted to reconcile the marriage. He chose her. Few weeks later he messages me to tell me what a mistake he's made and how much he loves me. Stupidly, I still see him whilst he's married for almost 9 months. In the end I ended it because of the toll it was taking on my emotional and mental wellbeing. I am not proud of being the OW.

Now I've just been messaged on a platform by a man I used to go to school with. He is also married with 2 kids but has told me he's unhappy and has started to veer the conversation towards sex. I blocked him.

Just feel so down about it, I feel like I am now a married man magnet. I would never ever be the OW again but feel like I am doing something that makes me meet all the wrong men.

Decided just to have a break from it all and focus on being a good mum but can't help but feel sad about it all.

Just writing down my thoughts.

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 31/07/2023 14:53

We're all married man magnets... it's shit.

You just have to maintain your integrity and not be one of the losers who falls for it. It's all you can do 🤷🏻‍♀️

DivineLillith · 31/07/2023 15:01

What was your childhood like? You have very poor boundaries and need to work on them. With this you could hopefully have a decent relationship one day. Try the freedom programme, free through women’s aid.

There is no point beating yourself up over this, do the work on yourself and good luck.

Neverthebride1 · 31/07/2023 15:02

I have done the freedom programme, it was very eye opening. I suppose the married lover was just because I so desperately wanted him in my life but then I did find the courage to end it as I knew it was wrong and also the impact it was having on me.

OP posts:
Neverthebride1 · 31/07/2023 15:03

My childhood was actually perfect. No abuse, parents together up till my mum passed away. I couldn't have asked for more.

OP posts:
Tempjob · 31/07/2023 15:03

Sorry to hear of your relationship troubles. My relationship history doesn't seem much better:

20-21: very damaging relationship with a married man

21-24: lots of flirting with an older woman which turned out to be unrequited. Extremely painful and it seems she led me on to feel better about herself

24-29: wonderful relationship with a woman but living abroad and I was unable to carve a career or be 'out' openly so we both finished it

29-present: wonderful marriage to a fantastic man, but sexless.

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