Missing a guy

[Rolana]

A few years ago I was in a relationship with a really good guy. He treated me incredibly well and we never stopped talking.

I ended the relationship. My mental health wasn't great. I'd been through a lot previously and convinced myself he wasn't right for me. He was devastated and tried very hard not to lose me. He was the best thing that ever happened to me. I've not stopped thinking about him. We were only together 6 months but it was amazing.

I've been in a new relationship for the last 18 months. It's not going so well but we are trying to make things work. Giving ourselves a few months to try and make things better.

I think about the other man not infrequently. Would it be very wrong to message him? I'd love him back as a friend but am thinking that maybe at some point in years to come maybe I could be with him again.

I miss him so much.

Anyone?

Picture your future with current BF and then picture your future with this guy - who do you think you will feel happier with? Go with your gut?

Honestly & somewhat gently OP I think it would be unfair on him. He wanted to be with you, tried to work it out and you ended it. You’re now with some else but would like him around as a friend but maybe more “ in the future”. If you really care for him then don’t do that to him. Either let him get in with his life or do the work so you are ready, end your current relationship and get over it and the see if he is still available.

Imagine you're going to flip a coin:

Heads - you stay with current bf and try to make things work and forget about ex bf.
Tails - you break things off with current bf and contact ex bf in hopes of building a friendship.

Which one do you secretly hope it lands on?

The life I really want is with my ex. I have no idea if he's even single. I love him. I think about him a lot. I only mentioned being friends initially as obviously we'd need to get to know each other again (if he's actually interested) and I'd have to take things very slow , I guess it would take a lot for him to trust me again.
Know
My current partner and I trying to improve things. He knows I'm really unhappy. He doesn't make me feel great. We are both trying.

But I also wish there was way I could tell ex my feelings/ know if he's single/ if I have a chance.

You’ll never work it out with your current partner all the time you’re pining for a lost love.

Break up with current partner. Spend a few months on your own pursuing hobbies and interests.

Then think about getting in touch with the ex.

It’s common to remember happier times when life isn’t great but maybe this has happened to show you that your current partner isn’t the right one for you.

If he was devastated when you split then no, don't get in touch while you see if this other bloke works out so you have a 'friend'/ can prime him to be available if not. If this relationship isn't making you happy then end it and be alone for a while. Then maybe get in touch with the ex. Decide if you really want to try with the current one and if so, distract yourself every time your mind wanders to the previous as having a constant favourable comparison there is not helping. I would think carefully about whether this one has the potential to be right, and honestly, whether the last did if you were so certain at the time you didn't want him. Could be rose tinted glasses.

Are you sure you’re not just using him as a fantasy because you’re unhappy in your current relationship?

You need to be single for a while and be happy alone before even thinking about another relationship.

With all due respect it's not fair on either of the two men. You need to spend some time on your own, then I'm sure you will meet the right guy.