I really like a guy, but he's so nice (here me out)

[sararose93]

I've come out of a really emotional abusive relationship to the point I lost my self trying to fight for a man who abused me.

I've been working on my self and in a really good place career wise and mental health wise.

I post on here a week ago about liking a guy at work but waiting untill I left to say any thing.

We all went out on a work night out last weekend and my friend told him I liked him but didn't want to say out untill I've left.

So he was buzzing couldn't believe I liked him told my friend he thought I was stunning and so on.

Any way each day at work we briefly see each other and he's made effort to chat every day.

He messaged me last night asking if my number was personal or work phone. So I said my personal.

He replied just wanted to check because I was hoping we could stay in touch when you leave. He also said I'd hate never being able to see you again.

I replied I'd like that.

I'm a little scared he's much slower than the abusive guy who loved bombed me 100 mile per hour.

He chatted for a bit then hasn't opened message from last night (I know he's busy)

Any body being in this situation after an awful relationship.

He asked my permission if he could keep in touch I don't no how to take it

Sound nice and normal to me so far.

Ok thank you I know I sound a bit pathetic but I've had two relationships that were love bombing and abuse. I'm 33 and this is strange to me

He sounds nice! But you are already way way way too invested, ALL you and him are working out now is if you want to plan a time to get to know each other more. Slow downs and stop letting him impact your mood so much, distract yourself! Be cool!

OP calm down it's not like you even know each other that well.
I hope it goes well. I'm a romantic idiot and have to stop projecting and enjoying what it is 😂

I don’t get why you think he’s moving too slow. He has made an active effort to show he’s interested, but is being respectful of your sensible wish to not get involved until you’ve left. If he wasn’t showing any interest and you were having to give him your number and/or ask him out I could see your point, bu5 that’s not the case.

more worrying is your equating nice as a negative.

Take it very slowly and keep the Faith
and don’t worry too much

even if it doesn’t work out you’ll be ok

Take it step by step. And don't create any fantasies about him or your future. Just take every possible future date one by one and get to know him. Observe his behaviour and traits and how he treats you to decide if you want to see him again.

You are complaining he's not love bombing you?

No not complaining just very scared maybe I'm not ready to date yet if I'm this worried

I understand OP, when you're told for so many years that unhealthy, abusive behaviour is love, the slower pace can feel like disinterest. The Freedom Programme will also help re-educate your brain to recognise green flags

Understand how you feel, it's hard to trust and makes you second guess all the time. I'm a guy and not long out of an abusive marriage and down the line I'll be taking it slow, looking out for the 100mph love bombing.

Like PP said you're rewired into thinking that kind of relationship is the norm, which it isn't, and the actual normal ones may seem really slow in comparison.

I think in this instance you may be alright so far, I know from my experience anyway there wasn't any delay between communication or progress it was just like a mile a minute.

Remember you can control the pace yourself too.

This.

OP, I don’t think you’re ready to date. All he’s done is make it clear he’s interested and that he has a way of contacting you after you leave, and you’re saying he’s both ‘too nice’, and not lovembombing you enough..?

I would take some time to work on yourself.