Strategies for dealing with a non stop talker

[TheoTheopolis23]

My Mum is a non stop talker.

My husband needs "notice" if he has to deal with her for any amount of time.

My bil either sats he tired and goes "to bed" or out for long walks if he has to be in the same place as her for long.

She doesn't really listen.

She has a very short tolerance for listening/discussing anything with you.

This was irritating anyway but I see her almost entirely with a demanding small child in tow so I'm getting it from both angles.

She is now 79, too thin, and has lost both my Dad and several friends to cancer in recent years.

She has, however, always been like this, so it's not loneliness per se.

(For example, anyone in our family could have had a trip somewhere very interesting and she would not be interested in hearing one thing about it, and would it instead bombard the person with local, mundane news and her own preoccupations).

I am regularly snapping at her. My sister's find the sane thing but I think they manage better than me.

Aside from keeping visits etc short - has anyone got any other strategies?

Her hearing seems fine.

She's always done this.

You'll have to repeat things but that's because she talks and talks and doesn't listen, my sister who's similar is the same. They look al oat surprised when they realise you've said something/are trying to interject.

Hate to be the one to say it but she very well might have ADHD- incessant talking ( usually about shite) about their current obsession, no interest in social aspects of talking, no need for response, just on and on at you non stop.

Wear ear pods to block her out and see how long it is before she realises you aren't listening?

My MIL is like this. Can turn any conversation to something about herself. DH and his siblings all agree that she’s like it and we are all pretty good at tuning her out but it makes me sad that she really doesn’t know my children (her grandchildren) because she doesn’t truly interact with them or show any interest in anything they have to say. They now both comment on this themselves too and don’t even bother trying to tell her their news.

I read that women with autism and ADHd mask it better than men so it's not always as apparent to ppl.

I'll look up all the symptoms and see how it tallies.

But almost everyone in her family is so ilst so that seems like too much of a coincidence

That's sad

She's also made comments like "do you ever stop talking" and "do you have an off switch" ...

If she uses phrases like that then I’d use them back to her. If she gets upset say “well you said the same thing this morning mum”.

"But almost everyone in her family is so ilst so that seems like too much of a coincidence"

@TheoTheopolis23 autism and ADHD are genetic, so running in the family actually makes perfect sense.

My sister is like this. It's exhausting! She's diagnosed autistic so she'll never change. I went NC with her a few years ago for unrelated issues and, honestly, my life is so much better!

Ah, I thought there were various factors but I didn't realise genetics was a major factor.

My sister's son apparently has ADHD (not diagnosed), I wouldn't say my sister is though, I must have a read about it.

Sorry to hear you had to go NC but if your quality of life is better...

@TheoTheopolis23 my dad does this. He talks about money, death or recipes. Neither I am interested in. He just repeats the same things. My mum died last year and he can’t stop talking. I know it’s cause he found his voice and wants to fill the silence.

tried counselling for him. But nothing. I needed a break so not called him this week. I feel guilty but I know he has friends and my brother

He talks about money, death or recipes.

That's an interesting combo!

Did your Mum do all the cooking so he's now absorbed in what to feed himself?