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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Separating but worried about DCs

2 replies

Doingdoingdont · 30/07/2023 18:08

My DH is an alcoholic, but goes to work and functions during the day, comes home drinks 8 -10 cans of lager average, drinks from 12ish on his days off. We are living together but have separated, hopefully he will be out soon. When drunk he can be verbally vicious and nasty to me. Our DCs love him and are extremely worried about him. They want him to get help , but I told them you can't force someone and he needs to want help.

Our eldest (early teen) has recently confided in me that his dad told them he was suicidal ( this is a roundabout he goes on every few months) I told them maybe us splitting up would drive his dad to get better but they think he will drink himself to death.

The thing is, I am not callous but I don't care anymore. He has numbed me to his pain. He has weaponised his mental health to manipulate me in the past.
But how do I guide my DCs through this without harming them. How do I stop them worrying about their dad?

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 30/07/2023 18:22

How do I stop them worrying about their dad?

You can’t, his alcoholism is the norm for them. Your relationship with their dad is different to their relationship with him and the truth is, the longer you stayed in the relationship with him the harder it is for them to disengage (especially now he’s threatening suïcide).

I would prioritise getting your children professional support.

Doingdoingdont · 30/07/2023 22:08

I have spoke to the school nurse ( they cover referrals to counselling here) and tried to get my eldest to look up alateen. But how do I support them now? I just want to know what's best to say to reassure them?

OP posts:
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