Afternoon Everyone
Sorry for the length of this post, I've tried to keep it as short as possible.
I never imagined I'd be writing this but I'm very alone in this situation and have no clue what to do or how to be.
I've had a really great relationship for the past 5 years. Over the past 2 months my partner has been freezing me out of his life. We live together but he's just head off to work around 8 and come back around 8 in the evening, 7 days a week!. I would often go with him or work from the farm but he stopped that without even saying anything. He used the excuse that I myself was too busy and I needed to focus on my business. I am a bit over sensitive so I asked if id done something wrong which he just brushed under the carpet and came home later. He went to a funeral and said he was on his way back at just gone 5 so I messaged around 930 asking if he was nearly home. I then received a drunken call telling me he's having a laugh and a curry and he'll be back later and put the phone down on me. He rocked up at 5am thinking that was a totally appropriate way to behave. I asked him what an earth was wrong with him to be treating me this way and does he just want me to leave. He said now but refused to understand it would be better to just let me know rather then letting me worry all night. After this he was drinking heavily and coming back drunk every night. He would mostly take me with him but that was also stopped. I asked again what id done, so he said you said you were leaving so I've been distancing myself from you. So I felt absolutely terrible and send him a message explaining why I say things like that. He knows fully what I've been trough but I wouldn't expect him to understand why this would effect my reactions. To cut a long story short. I had a terrible mother, my first memory of her was her locking me in a shed all night because id spilled paint. Then I had a couple of really abusive relationships. The last been my solicitors worst case of domestic violence she had ver dealt with in 30 years of practice, so things had been bad. He knew all this and I told him I may have moments because there's a lot of me to work through. He was brilliant. We've had the best 5 years of my life. Hardly even a cross word. We are both extremely kind caring people and we were best friends.
Going back to point. I thought well if he wants to be drinking then I could try meeting him at one of the pubs. So with drink comes truth. He first came out with his brothers wrecked his life by having a kid. This was 2 months ago so ties in with the strange behaviour. He said I need to go and meet someone else because he does'nt want kids like his brother because his life ruined. He was really upset and said he wasn't coming home because it upset him the thought of making me sad over telling me this. I accepted I was fine with it and he should just talk to me if he's having a hard time. He said he has "nothing to do with the kid", I found this a strange way to talk about his family.
He kept up the what I call torture and I was upset one night. I was just hit that day feeling the loss of my best friend. He came back and saw how upset I was and he broke down. He said he was keeping me away from his family because he didn't want be to see the baby and get upset. He said that night he couldn't sleep and he just kept worrying about me leaving and not been there, all he wanted to do was stroke my hair. That gave me hope he really did care so I've made an effort to try and move on without going over it with him. He also made the effort but I can still feel he's not present with me, feels almost like a depressed person pretending to be happy. I mentioned this morning if we could go back to how we were and me not spend everyday all day alone, he leaped out of bed in a fury and said he's leaving today because he's sick of me trying to talk about it. I managed to talk him round by saying I was sorry and I didn't want to upset him. But the way he's behaving is making me feel like I did when I was getting abused. He does'nt talk about anything at all, he's fully aware of this and knows it's not good for him but he's unwilling to change that.
I have a lot of pressure on me for work and he knows this. I've managed to build a nice little business from nothing and it only just started taking off in April. Since then I've been stuck in the house as I work from home. I feel stress from every direction in my life and i'm finding it hard to understand why he would add this on to me too at this crucial time. I'm trying to be understanding and calmly go along with everything but I have zero support and i'm so lonely with what he's doing to me. I feel traumatised all over again.
Does anyone know if or what I can do to help the situation?
Thank you for taking the time to read.