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Original poster

Is he using me or am I getting finally getting somewhere with him

33 replies

Kiki29 · 30/07/2023 12:40

So I met a guy 3 years ago and the both of us had amazing chemistry but he kind of freaked out and things turned into a more casual thing. At times I would have texted him and he would have read it but never responded then when he would randomly respond and ask to see me. I cut contact with him for 6 months and I was able to get over him.

I then met him again back In January and all of a sudden the feelings came back and we started to see each other again then he went back to the casual thing of only responding when he wanted to. Although this time it’s different in a way as he still only pops up every 4 or 5 weeks he now invites me to his house where his family live, I’ve sat and had coffees with his mum but then I’ll leave and hear nothing from him again for a few weeks.

I’ve been honest with him and told him how I feel about him but there’s a part of me that feels like I’m wasting my time a bit as although I’ve been asked on dates by others I don’t go hoping that each time I see this guy it will be different and he might want to peruse a relationship with me but I left his parent’s house yesterday afternoon and I’ve heard nothing since. Should I run after him or move on?

OP posts:
Original poster
Kiki29 · 31/07/2023 19:15

Thank you all for your responses. I definitely had a good think about it and I’ve definitely gave him the wrong impression about me and what I am prepared to accept and want. Usually by now I’ll have sent a text saying thanks for a great night or something (and never get a response) but I haven’t this time. I guess as much as it hurts and a part of me knows he won’t but If he genuinely wants me he will come get me.

OP posts:
itsgoodtobehome · 31/07/2023 19:30

I had one like this back in my younger days. I was absolutely besotted with him, but he would never commit. Anyway, I occasionally stalk him on FB, and in the 15 years that I have been very happily married, he has had about 5 different relationships, 3 kids with 2 different women, and has been 'engaged' (not married) to the latest one for about 5 years.

I'm so glad that I am well out of that. You too will look back on this, and thank your lucky stars that you didn't spend your life with a man like this.

Original poster
Kiki29 · 31/07/2023 19:50

Do you mind me asking what was they key moment you knew he wasn’t going to commit and you walked away?

OP posts:
Pinkjacket22 · 31/07/2023 20:33

something2say · 30/07/2023 13:05

Kiki29, no one else is him and yes there will be grief and loss at stopping hoping for this particular man.

But there is always another man. Remember that. Always.

We all think, oh but THIS one is so special, and here's why - xyz - and we cannot conceive whatsoever of another man.

That is just a stage. The fallow stage. It is natural. And it speaks well of you I think because it shows that the man mattered to you.

I think you will be happier on the other side of the fallow stage, the new growth stage.

I am like you, I need to qualify them better at the beginning - my last few relationships have been good except for fatal flaws, all of which I ignored, and let attachment build.

That's what you've done, he showed right off that he could not be trusted and your mistake was probably letting him in that second time, as it has set up a pattern - and wasted your years when you could have been going out and having the better time with a man who was clear that he loved you. I'm never doing it again, I'm never NOT listening to my gut.

This is an ace way of looking at it. Thank you, that's so helpful for anyone who has ever gone through this stuff. And I have more than once.

DreamingofNuneaton · 31/07/2023 20:39

If he’s the right one it will be easy. It’s not meant to be this hard. You are wasting time with him when you could find someone who suits you much better.

Olika · 31/07/2023 21:17

Waste of time

MimiSunshine · 31/07/2023 22:11

Kiki29 · 31/07/2023 19:50

Do you mind me asking what was they key moment you knew he wasn’t going to commit and you walked away?

Where you are now. When you can see the pattern in the behaviour and just can’t bury it anymore to accept the breadcrumbs.

when youve time lined it and the glaring “it’s been three years, why are we not a couple who by now have future plans / live together / go on holidays together etc”

This is your walk away moment.

itsgoodtobehome · 31/07/2023 23:27

Key moment was when I drunkenly texted him one night, after months of silence, and he asked who I was!!!

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