I just can’t date anymore

[33goingunder]

I may need some tough love.

For as long as I can remember I have been dating or in relationships. A short relationship ended recently after showing promise and has left me feeling jaded. In typical fashion I’ve since been on a handful of dates from the apps (plus one lined up this eve) and love the process of meeting new people/getting glam etc. I think my attitude around dating is fairly healthy but tbh the whole process is leaving me empty. I just want a nice bloke to build a life with and I have come across every type of dysfunction there is.

I have no trouble getting asked on dates but I have a lot of trouble finding non flaky, non-commitment phobic, ghosting, future faking types. Luckily I’m good at spotting them early (usually) and then I’ll promptly cut them loose. But it’s lonely. And if one more person tells me to get a vibrator I will scream.

i have a full life. I do marathons for fun(!), I travel solo frequently, have friends scattered around am solvent and have a good job etc. But I don’t have a flipping clue what I do during those lonely evenings when I’m not doing those things instead of swiping or trying to flog another dead horse. For context I also live alone and work from home.

So I’ve decided to give myself a birthday gift next week of opting out of dating. But Ive realised don’t know what to opt in to by means of distraction. I can’t run seven days a week, my friends are typically busy with their families and I simply don’t know how to de-centre wanting a relationship from my life. What can I do?

Get a pet
Get a girlfriend
Get an allotment 😆
Any of those will fill the spare hours and more!

Doing nothing - having downtime - is a perfectly acceptable way of passing time.

Having Quality Downtime is a gift in itself in today's fast-paced world. Read a book, do some housework, go for a walk, pop round to a friend's, have an early night, watch telly and, of course, read mumsnet!

I relish those moments where I have nothing planned and wish there were more of them in my life!

I gave up around 18 months ago. I'm literally incapable of going through one more relationship drama.

I just want a calm life, I've taken huge comfort from nature and being outdoors. Just peace and fucking quiet. I'm a bit reclusive but I'm honestly done with most people now.

Getting a pet had crossed my mind!

Do you need to work at home or is there any option to go into a workplace? WFH can be brilliant, but when you're single and living alone, it's not always ideal and going into work can be really good for feeling more connected, and even for meeting the right partner IRL. If your main job has to be WFH, would you consider getting an extra job for eves or at w/e mainly for the social side?

@Pinkdelight3 i have thought that wfh is a bit of a hindrance for a social butterfly like me. But my office is based really far away and I already spend several evenings a week on my sport.

Start playing an instrument. Local music scenes are fabulous for meeting people...

If you work from home could you get a wee dog? Then you'll have company, a pal to take for walks in the evening and exploring at the weekend?

Find a good home boarder nearby for when you travel. Job done!

Do you have any co-working spaces you could work from instead? The ones I've used tend to be quite buzzy and sociable places. If not, might be worth thinking longer term about moving either your home or your job. Living so far from your office that you can't get the benefits from being part of it doesn't need to be a permanent situation. One of the upsides to your situation is that you're not tied down to an area by partner/kids/schools, and though I'm sure you'll say your sports are a commitment, they'll have clubs in other areas too.

@Loafbeginsat60 i am tempted to get a dog next year. But will that be enough to detract from me being so jaded? I don’t know. I see lots of pluses for having a doggy pal and it’s something I love the idea of.

and to others, my issue isn’t meeting people per se. It’s the type of men I’ve been meeting who have been horribly disappointing. I’ve moved around extensively and have property/ties to this area which happens to be beautiful so I don’t want to move again and hedge my bets. it could end up worse! That said, my contract ends this year so I will need to look at other jobs. That may force my hand.

Definitely get a pet.
A dog will get you out walking too, so that’s another way to spend your evenings.
Reading?
Is there a class you’d be interested in? Our local college does several free evening classes a week