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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He’s suddenly been snapping at me

20 replies

Amimee · 30/07/2023 06:26

I’ve been with my boyfriend 4 years. He’s currently away with work, i’m used to him working away it did work for us up until now.

For around 6 weeks he’s been snapping at me. We’ve been having normal conversations and he will just lose his temper.

Like I couldn’t turn my camera on my phone around fast enough and he swore like for fuck’s sake, that particular phone call was awful because anything i said he rolled his eyes or said something sarcastic. I did get off the phone and text saying why are you snapping. He apologised twice and that was it

Again more recently he’s been snapping again or saying something sarcastic. I asked him where I would meet him this weekend. He replied back does it matter, it will either be x or y down the road. I can’t put my finger on it but just nasty stuff, when I asked him seriously what was wrong he said it was me. I’m deflecting apparently because he knows what i’m doing ( I assume an affair?)

I have this feeling its him, and he’s pushing the blame on me. I hate feeling like i’m walking on eggshells

OP posts:

VictoriaVenkman · 30/07/2023 06:38

Sounds to me he is treating you like shit so you'll break up with him, saving him the job of being the bad guy. Do you live together?

Original poster

Amimee · 30/07/2023 06:59

He said he has no issue with me, its all me making things this way. We do live together but he works away for periods of time

OP posts:

FedUpMumof10YO · 30/07/2023 07:02

Yeah he's checked out. I second PP thoughts - he wants you to do the hard bit.

It's not you, it's him.

Tell him you'll not speak to him unless it's respectful. Or do it back.

notol · 30/07/2023 07:05

He's a controlling piece of work who is showing his true colours now he is isn't getting any

VictoriaVenkman · 30/07/2023 07:05

Amimee · 30/07/2023 06:59

He said he has no issue with me, its all me making things this way. We do live together but he works away for periods of time

So he is gaslighting you as well

BritInAus · 30/07/2023 07:12

Sounds like a nasty piece of work and your life would be immeasurably better without him in it!

Hibiscrubbed · 30/07/2023 07:13

He’s cheating. And he’s going to start projecting his own shit behaviour on you.

Read ‘the script’.

Caprisunny · 30/07/2023 07:25

So he is being a dick because he thinks you are cheating?

If he really thought you were cheating and it was impacting him to the point he has become a cunt to you, he should just end it. If his trust in you is so lacking it’s changing who he is as a person, he would just end the relationship wouldn’t he?

He is lying. I don’t usually agree with the ‘he is cheating’ that’s rolled out every single threads. But here I do think he has cheated. He even knows he is deflecting.

He has cheated. He is accusing you because when people cheat and their partner doesn’t know it often makes them wonder if their partner cheated and got away with it as well. It’s also a way of easing their guilt. If you cheated as well it’s not so bad.

I actually think he wants you to dump him. The. He can say ‘I knew I was right. She dumped me for someone else’ and the, when they get with the OW/OM very quickly they can claim they didn’t cheat. They just met this person very soon and thought why not given their ex dumped them. He can play the victim.

I have short patience for people who throw accusations of cheating around. Wether it’s a mind game or genuine insecurity. It’s a shitty thing to do.

TwilightSkies · 30/07/2023 07:27

Sounds like the relationship is over. Keep your dignity and end it before he goes.
Sounds like he’s cheating.

Cas112 · 30/07/2023 08:11

I think he checked out OP, it probably won't get much better

2catsandhappy · 30/07/2023 08:22

It doesn't look good @Amimee Have you noticed any other changes? Does he phone at a different time or not send a goodnight text anymore?
This was how I worked out my ex was seeing someone. They had taken my place in his free time routine.

pictoosh · 30/07/2023 08:28

Amimee · 30/07/2023 06:59

He said he has no issue with me, its all me making things this way. We do live together but he works away for periods of time

Translation: I will speak to you like shit and you'll accept it.

Fraaahnces · 30/07/2023 08:30

Return the favour. Snap back. Once. For the first and very last time. (Tell him to fuck off.)

youtwoandme · 30/07/2023 08:35

My partner did this working away.... guess what. He was cheating.

Dombasle · 30/07/2023 08:35

Sounds to me like the classic resentment of his relationship with you and that he believes the grass may be greener elsewhere.

Rather than have the guts to split up with you, he now can't disguise his disgust with you and is irritable and impatient.

The rot has set in and will only get worse.

Original poster

Amimee · 30/07/2023 10:57

Is it worth even having a conversation with him?

He acts off and snaps with me then when i react either upset or just not being chatty. I’m being dramatic or starting things for no reason. Walking on eggshells and its awful. We just recently met at a train station, I came out the other end and his reaction to that was not notmal. I actually had a dream last night i was late to meet him and woke up with an awful pit in my stomach.

I think the worst thing about it is he acts like he’s doing t nothing wrong so i question myself

OP posts:

determinedtomakethiswork · 30/07/2023 11:05

Do you have kids together? If not, then I would really look at whether I wanted to stay with him.

Nelly10 · 30/07/2023 11:06

bin bag that’s it.

pictoosh · 30/07/2023 11:10

"I think the worst thing about it is he acts like he’s doing t nothing wrong so i question myself"

Yes that's how it goes. Reasonable people will always consider whether they have been at fault. Toxic people won't entertain that notion for a second.

pictoosh · 30/07/2023 11:12

When you're scared to make a mistake, walking on eggshells and trying to pre-empt how you go about ordinary day to day things so he isn't pissed off and ultimately horrible to you, you're being controlled.
He won't see it that way...but that is what is happening.

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