How can I get pass feeling unattractive

[Beanscene]

As above, really struggling with feeling so unattractive. Don't know if it's related to getting older...am married (been married for long time) with children. I've never been that attractive tbh but it never used to bother me and I would go about my life happily. But I can't seem to change my mindset lately into being positive about myself and I've tried all the usual things. DH pays very little in way of compliments etc..but this hasn't really changed as always been like this.. it is just bothering me more now. Am not attractive physically (think thin/small with no curves) and have never had interest from other people... But you'd think your own DH would be attracted to you.

That he doesn't pay you compliments, doesn't mean he's not attracted to you

But - what's brought this on?

Being thin/ no curves can be attractive. It’s in the eye of the beholder. I never look at people and think they’re ugly. It could be just being in a relationship that makes people feel like this sometimes. There’s more of a focus on it

What will make you feel more attractive?
Don't compare yourself to anyone else.
We all are different which is ok!
Work on your self confidence, but for you❤️

@Beanscene what are the usual things you've tried ? Maybe this isn't just about how you feel about your looks - what about a physical challenge that will get you outdoors and make you fitter and stronger ? Like an outdoor bootcamp class or a hiking club or horse riding even. That feeling of competence and strength can make you feel great about yourself more generally so being down on your own looks sort of fades away.

Thanks for replies, I do a lot of exercise anyway so not worried about that department. Tried to treat self so hair cuts, beauty treatments etc... new clothes. Tried mindfulness and telling myself 'am beautiful every day'. Are some things I've tried. I suppose there isn't really a answer is there....am just hoping I'll snap out of it.

How does everyone else work through these feeling awful and ugly moments.... As I'll be waiting 1001 years before I get a compliment of any sort from OH 🙄

I just want to say OP that I get it. I’ve several teeth in the front that I need pulled out and I’ve been putting it off for a long time. It makes me feel worse than ugly. More abnormal and I just want to look normal

IME, once that self doubt of feeling unattractive has set in, its very difficult to get past it. It is for me anyway.

As another poster says, what have you tried to do to help?

I'm probably the opposite of you - size 10/12 and curvy - hips/bum, waist, boobs... I also feel very unattractive. My boyfriend does compliment me and it makes no difference.

But that's because it's not our body shape that makes us attractive or not. Presumably, he finds you attractive or he wouldn't have asked you out initially and wouldn't have married you! So we need to find that feeling of being attractive in ourselves and not look for it from others.

Sometimes I feel that my body is probably just wrong and universally unattractive and sometimes I feel we are bombarded with such a narrow view of what is acceptable/attractive in women that all of our perspectives (men and women's) are skewed by it.

It sounds like you probably already do the things that are often suggested - eg exercise, eating well (for nourishment rather than enjoyment). Is there a certain style of dress that you feel more attractive in? Do you have hobbiesnthat make you feel attractive?

I don't know. It's hard.

@TedLostHisVoice you sound gorgeous 😁 I would literally kill for a curvy hourglass figure like yours... And a complimentary OH!!!👍 Basically you sound like what I would love to be🤣.

Here’s a question. Do you compliment and big up your OH or do neither of you do it to each other? Starting being more so yourself, you may find you get more back.

Alternatively have a conversation about how you feel and if you can both make a bit more effort to compliment each other and make each other feel special.

I am generally complimentry.... Tell him that he looks nice and sexy. That his body looks good etc etc..not every day but once in a week or so. I have brought it up with him in the past but it feels embarrassing that I am having to ask for compliments. When I brought it up in past he will say that I look 'nice' or something but that's it. I have no clue what it feels like to be desired or wanted...and generally come to the conclusion that I am basically very ugly.

That's the thing though. I'd like a figure like yours!

If I had an hourglass figure and looked like Salma Hayek, yeah, it would be great. But I'm squishy and I don't like my bum. Despite my measurements, my boobs feel too small for frame. I've had chronically low self esteem regarding my body for years. I've been single for most of time as an adult because men expect me to look perfect underneath my clothes and not have the inevitable 'mum tum'. And I'm far from that!

He compliments me but it makes me self conscious because I think he's just trying to boost my confidence.

Because none of it is to do with him or what he says or what he likes. It's how I feel about myself.

Just as it is with you x

I have no clue what it feels like to be desired or wanted...and generally come to the conclusion that I am basically very ugly

You are not. Very, very few people are actually unattractive.

This is how you feel about yourself because of his lack of words. Find it in yourself instead.

Take him out of the equation for a minute. Do you think you are attractive?