Friend falls out with everyone (and now my turn)

[gigipom]

Hi!

I don’t know whether I am also being a bad friend here. My long term friend has fallen out with so many of her friends throughout the years, lost many friendships. She has some mental health issues (which she is now getting some help for) that have made her pretty hot headed in certain situations which has resulted in her losing people in her life.

I have been friends with her for a number of years and now it’s now ‘my turn’ for her to turn on me. She’s been pretty nasty and we’ve not spoken. I have a feeling this friendship is over.

Something makes me feel pretty sad about it though. I know she’s struggling with her mental health and I feel bad that I have decided out friendship is over. I’ve let slip a few shorty things she’s done up until now, but there’s not much more I can give and there’s only so much I can excuse because of her mental health.

Am I a horrid person? Should I be there for my friend instead of turning my back? She seems to be losing everyone around her.

Sorry for my typos! Shorty should be shitty!

UTs up,to,you really whether you want to try and save the friendship or let it go the same as she usually does. You could last Ay, if you wanted, send a message saying you see the pattern, and if she wants to end the friendship that's her right (as it is yours) but you see the pattern, and if she doesn't, you're there for her.

My DS is just like this.
She falls out with everyone in her friends group eventually and often family.
There's some kind of personality disorder, I believe NPD as she expects everyone to be characters in her life story and bend to her will. God help you if you have your own shit going on.
She gets incredibly nasty, will publicly (on social media) bash you, trash talk about you to family friends, forget everything she's done and is permanently the victim.

I've stepped away from her now as my own peace is more important than her dramas.

I suggest you do the same. It will hurt for a while, but will be infinity worth it.

Step away from her, invest in other friends and things that make you happy. Don't pick up with her once she decides she wants you back.

Sorry this happened, it’s really tricky.

but yes my friend also falls out with her family a lot, has pushed her partner away from his family so he doesn’t have a relationship with them anymore. Falls out with people at work, never seems happy in her jobs or feels like she’s treated badly in every job she’s ever had. There just seems to always be an issue with at least 5 people in her life at anyone time and it’s exhausting.

I will add that she really loves to ‘bitch’ and be pretty nasty about people in her life. It’s really hard to listen to and brings me down but always thought it was because she was unhappy and suffering with her health.

Hi, I am going through the same thing with a friend of 30 years. All this years she always fell out with a friend and always the same story that she’s been taking advantage or her kindness have been abused. But instead of telling them about the situation she’s not happy with she prefers to talk behind their back and she makes herself as the victim to whoever she can vents to. It’s now my turn and the last 2 years she hasn’t behaved well towards me, I have confronted her in asking her what I have done. But she never did!! And now her daughter got in the mix and got verbal towards me while my children were present (her mum did the same twice and never apologise). And I was told by her daughter: Guess what !! Well, I have taken advantage of her mum’s kindness and has mistreating her !!! Basically, the same as all the other friends she accused them of! With this type of people you can’t defend yourself because they have operated as such all their life and they are very good at playing the victim. I fell for it all these years until it was my turn. Best thing you can do, is to cut them off your life and protect yourself. At the end of the day these people will end up alone because people as they get older won’t tolerate this kind of behaviour. Don’t waste your energy with this people they are hopeless and won’t change.
I hope as me you have some healthy friendships that you can turn to and move on. Take care xx😘

I have known people like that. You can’t ever reason with them. Simply drop the rope and move on.

I had a friend just like this and of course, one day it became 'my turn' too. I had to drop her because I hate the drama and I find I don't miss it. I miss the good parts of the friendship but overall I feel relief not to be a part of it all. Maybe there are mental health issues but you can't throw yourself under the bus to help her. If this is a long term pattern of behaviour, she won't change.

If she's not talking to you enjoy the peace and drama free life! Shes an emotional vampire and your life will be better without her.

I have known a couple of people like this. I read about borderline personality disorder and I noticed that they exhibited signs of this behaviour, that everyone else is to blame, everyone is horrible to them even though they’re so nice, lots of virtue signalling. Initially they seem like lovely, well educated, friendly types but drama follows them everywhere and eventually you get caught up in it and feel emotionally drained. They have favourite people who they expect completely undying loyalty from or they will cut you off. They can also be quite controlling and refuse to consider other’s opinions.

They always have awful bosses and bad workplaces and mean colleagues everywhere they go. They are always the victims.

I have a very arms length relationship with one of these people and the other blocked me completely when I disagreed with her about something.

Omg I recognise this. Exactly that description.

Mine cut me off in the end because I wouldn't turn vegan and start protesting round Tesco at her request. Then told anyone who would listen that her friends all abandoned her when she stopped eating meat. It was totally untrue and batshit.

She was lovely and charismatic but systematically fell out with everyone she knew. She was always the common denominator. Sad really.

Hi, I need some advice.
I have a friend of around 14 years,
She's always been hot headed, having a lot of meltdowns, feeling paranoid ect, she does have mental health issues that she was previously getting help for, but I'm sad because I honestly think our friendship is coming to an end.
So here's just a few things, they sound silly but it really is a problem,
With social media she's constantly deleting it because nobody likes her posts, I feel pressure to liking every single post of hers incase she takes offence, or if she puts a post up to say how well she's doing that I should share it. She's always been the same, she'll back off or fall out with me if I'm not acting how she believes a friend should act. If I put a post on Facebook should would say "is that about me" the other week she wrote me a big long paragraph saying how she can't be around me no more to which came out the blue, the ran me to apologise a few weeks later, last week she fell out with me again over social media, every time she comes back saying sorry I was in my own head I was having a meltdown l, it's all very childish and always takes her feelings out on me, it's been happening for a long time, she can be quite selfish too. She's always making plans me then cancelling, when I cancel on the odd occasion she's funny with me. I've always been there for her but when I need to chat I get "sorry I can't take on anyone else's problems at the minute" She can also be very competitive, and she does have a jealous streak, example, if I says oh my husband did this for me you can literally see her face change, it's awful, it sounds so silly I know but it's really getting to me.
I'm just feeling like i don't want this friendship anymore that there's no positives for me, any advice would be appreciated.

@Happymummy83 step away!

You know that this isn't how a normal healthy friendship is. When someone's personality can be charming, it takes a while to get to the point where you see through to the underlying character. If someone is constantly taking by never being there for you, but you have to be there for her, then the balance is wrong.

Mental health issues absolutely suck and if someone is really trying to go on with treatment then you can cut some slack, but in the end it's ok to say "I can't do this any more or I don't want to do this any more". You didn't just dump her, you stuck around for some very difficult behaviour and are clearly thinking hard about this.

It's okay, and if you've tried (which you have) it's sensible to say No More.

Thanks for the advice. It is very difficult, but I'm definitely taking a step back, I really don't want this friendship anymore, It got me thinking "it was me", "am I being too sensitive". I appreciate your advice.

If you don't want this friendship any more, then it's okay to do exactly what you think is best.

A good rule of thumb about whether it's you is "do I regularly have friendship trouble". If the answer is yes, look at yourself and then who you are surrounding yoruself with. If the answer is no, it's not you.