What sort of relationship do you have now with parents who let you down as a child?

[Feelingcrappie]

My own parents drank too much, my Dad was abusive and my mum made excuses for him sometimes. Although other times, she defended us.

Both were practically and emotionally neglectful during my teen years. Mum was having an affair during my teens.

There were explosive rows and meltdowns when they were drunk. The house was a bomb site and we weren't allowed friends over. I had to leave home in my late teens due to verbal domestic abuse from my Dad.

As an adult, I get along with both of them, see them both every few weeks, but sometimes struggle to like them.

Now and then, I find myself questioning why I have any relationship with them at all.

My relationship is better now but mainly because I set boundaries, moved out when I was young and pretty much did my own thing and had my own life. So I visit but it’s not close and I think I prefer that as I don’t think I can fake closeness and pretend nothing ever happened. So they don’t interfere in my life and I keep it cordial.

None, I’m not sure they care but I feel a lot better.

Alcoholic DM, keep her at arms length and still have resentment towards her. Wish she was dead to be honest, would make life easier

Alcoholic mum all through my childhood, men coming & going, bricks through windows when they fell out. Waking me up crying in the middle of the night, Billy Joel on loop, smoking & drinking all night. Lots of really odd stuff. She fought tooth & nail to keep me as my grandparents went to court to try & get custody but I was sent back to my mum.

I now look after her, wipe her bum, shop for her, take a day off each week to do so.

it’s all very surface, I don’t particularly like her & I don’t trust her. She had a terrible childhood so I’m torn between ‘she didn’t mean it, she had a traumatic childhood’ but mostly I think ‘why didn’t you get help’ many lives have been ruined. My dsis who didn’t have my grandparents helping her (different dad) & my niece both have had terrible lives.

Extremely grateful for my grandparents that I’ve broken the cycle.

Similar childhood, lots of alcohol and fighting. Just rubbish parents, to be honest. I've been NC with my mother since she left while me and my father and I were at work. That was 20 years ago. My dad is an alcoholic, I see him for birthdays and holidays with his grandchildren, but rarely for more than an hour because of the drinking. Dad was the better parent, but still not great, and I know he regrets it now. I've had lots of therapy over the years which has helped.

My mum had some serious mental health issues. I think these days it would be treated more sympathetically. I believe she had pre menstrual psychosis and it was awful living with her as a child. My poor dad took a lot of the brunt of it but so much arguing. I’ve chosen to let it go in adulthood. She nearly killed me once by throwing a spear through our window as I was walking past. She was mentally unwell and in the 80’s the help wasn’t as readily available or socially acceptable as it is now, so I have to accept that I can’t judge her by today’s standards and I do feel that she was unwell. I know she feels bad about it and I think I’ve 95% genuinely let it go. It’s made me be a different parent and as soon as my relationship with my ex broke down I was out of there, my kids will never be sat with their sibling at the kitchen table praying for the fighting (and it did her physical) to stop. I know she (both) loved us, and it will do me no good to harbour negative thoughts into my adult life. I learnt to let it go a long time ago now

I moved away and went VLC

No contact.

Better after therapy and being able to set boundaries.

I want to confront them, but I don't want to destroy everything. So I've dealt with it through my therapy sessions and I'm comfortable with the boundaries I've set.

One is dead and I haven't spoken to the other in over 5 years.

I have no relationship at all with my parents. It got to the stage where I snapped with each of them at different times (they're not together, but equally awful people). They both think I've just had a strop and will be back (so I'm told by others) but I won't be. It's been nearly ten years. Much happier without them. It's like a massive weight off my shoulders.

I don't speak to my 'dad' who was an alcoholic and then complete non parent when they split up. He's now got dementia and I don't feel responsible for him or in any way sorry for him.

No contact since February this year. My mum doesn’t even see my two children, her loss really

My mother used to say I brought bad luck to the family, that she wished I had never been born .
She had terrible mood swings and very premenstrual.
She would smash windows. Threatened me with a knife .
She also had a very responsible job .
i think she is mentally unwell. But
My relationship with my parents now isn’t great .
although we do see each other occasionally.

NC with one, LC/grey rock with the other. Simples.

No contact with my father since 1989, low contact with my mother since 1996. I live on the other the side of the world from my mother (deliberate) and haven't actually seen her since 2009...and I'm not in any hurry to.

My father didn't want children in the first place and my Catholic mother shouldn't have had them. She put her marriage before her children and wrecked our childhood. He left her for another woman the minute my younger brother turned 18. I've had no contact with him since.

Been no contact with my mother for 30years best decision I ever made.

Been no contact for 8 years. Best decision I have ever made and my life now is better than I ever thought could be possible for me.

NC for 12 years. The abuse continued until I went nc in my late 30s.

Doesn't erase the past and I'm still living with that but at least she no.longer has the opportunity to make it worse.