When your own parents don’t support you

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Hi

I separated and divorced 6 years. In that time my “birth family” (parents and brother) have made a close bond with my ex and are unsupportive of me and my new life.
Has anyone else also had a breakdown of extended family relationships through divorce?

Yes me I slit from ex 17 years ago due to dv my family though he was the bees nees I left them to it I know its hard but it's probably for the best if your or mine family can support someone that's not there family then in my eyes they are not worth you x

Yes I've had this problem. I left ex and told family about how vile he had been. They didn't take it up with him - fair enough, we are grown ups. But actually, they continued to be friends with him.

It is so disloyal, it is basically telling the ex that they are in agreement with his vile behaviour.

Sorry OP.

I left my ex-husband who I discovered was having an affair: started when we were engaged, continued through all my pregnancies and her marriage to his best friend: they married shortly after we divorced.
Lots of emotional and some physical and sexual abuse but I was disowned - they were ashamed to have a divorced daughter. They even tried to have my kids adopted.
Nearly 25 years on and I still can’t forgive what they did. But they’ve been good to my kids so I hold my tongue.
Im badly scarred though; I trust no one fully and laugh when politicians talk about the importance of family values, and the family as a cornerstone of a good life!

They tried to have your kids adopted and you still speak to them???

Oh wow! So I’m not alone. Trying to have your kids taken off you! That is horrible.
my ex’s family are wealthy and before I was divorced his family bought us a house where I lived in for a couple of years with my children and mum and dad. Ex lived in a different country and left me in limbo never tried to reunite the family - seemed to like to be able to go on motorbike holidays where he was and come a couple of times a year to see us and my mum and dad living with me meant he didn’t need to be responsible there. Judge agreed divorce on grounds of unreasonable behaviour. Thank goodness I found a good solicitor who listened. When we were divorced his family obviously didn’t declare anything abroad so just did a split of the things here. It seemed like a clean break but He wouldn’t let me stay in the house where I lived with the kids So bought me out (fair enough). My parents were planning to move so I thought but just as I was about to sign the divorce papers asked to continue living in the house because dad didn’t want to move. This allows ex to turn up there and disregard the CAO. I’ve explained for years how my parents actions make me feel. You’d think blood is thicker than water and he wasn’t a good husband. Apparently he was because he provided (it was his mother). “Nothing that happened prior to my divorce is relevant to anything now” (except your rent free living arrangements). “They all suffer because of me” (I’ve offered to help my mum buy her own place so she’s not in the middle for the CAO) “This house is good for the kids” (If that place is good for the kids why wouldn’t you let that be their permanent home? I don’t wish to live there I have my own place, job and new life, I’m just making the point that it’s their selfish choice not for the kids. I think there’s value in learning to move on and know you can change your own path and leave difficult relationships as I try to role model for the kids).
Recently my parents were so horrible to me after ex MIL told us (not asked) she was coming to see the kids in November and the kids who hadn’t seen her for 3+ years didn’t want to see her. “But she’s their grandma” (and she’s rich and funds our lifestyle - but the kids don’t want to see her and we’re jammed packed with events leading to Christmas). Long story but to avoid falling out at Christmas I sent my kids to see her ignoring their feelings. They hated me for it and behaviour was so bad in January I had early help support from school. I fell out with parents anyway just after Christmas. Dad had a heart attack and didn’t tell me until 2 weeks later and told all other family to keep it quiet, mum came round shouting and swearing at me and my partner “he’s not their dad why is he looking after them” gaslighting me trying to insinuate I had an affair but I didn’t I ended my divorce then later looked for a new partner, told my brother and his family to avoid me too, accused my partner of being an imposter who wormed his way onto my will. Oh yeah I had curative cancer treatment last year and my partner was looking after the kids while I was in hospital for chemo, a one week stay for pain relief and a two week stay from an oesophagectomy and all the months I needed to recover. Where was their dad and why wasn’t he looking after them? His visa had expired. Did she phone him up and say “you’re their dad why aren’t you looking after them?” No because that little abusive gem only works one way and you don’t bite the hand that feeds you. I’ve gone non contact with the lot of them. I’ve had no direct requests from them to see the children.
my parents support my ex trying to apply for a C100 to see the children more and to reinstate their contact. Theyre saying I’m refusing them contact but I haven’t had a request from them to refuse. I did say I’d meet them out and about to my brother in a call where he hung up his phone. Nothing further heard. All relationships in my family have completely broken down and I can’t send my children to people I don’t trust where they are likely to be derogatory to me.
Getting some counselling through work to help through this and the emotional abuse I experienced from them growing up. My family have no empathy. This is an awful place to be - the estranged from your own family when you’ve left a difficult marriage club. Good luck to anyone else in a similar situation. I’ve certainly learned how not to parent from all of this.

This happened to my best friend and it blew my mind. I eventually confronted her mother and sister and told them in no uncertain terms my views. They said bf used to make up stories so they assumed she made it up. I told them I'd seen it myself and then gave great harrowing detail until they both cried. They sorted themselves out then. Her wider family still favour the ex.
It's unnatural in my view. Rejecting your born child for someone you barely know, incomprehensible. My dad is a shit but he's even shittier to DH so that's ok 🤷‍♀️

Wow i wish I had a friend like that. I don’t have a friend to help but I asked for support of my extended family but they didn’t want to get involved. Can’t blame them really.