How to know when to split

[LatteParty]

I am so lost.

Last year I discovered DH had a secret cocaine addition he had been hiding from me that had been ongoing for our entire relationship of 3.5. Years. Separate finances and I guess separate lives, I could see the clues now with hindsight. He told me he wouldn't quit and then it took another FOUR times of me catching him doing it and a complete mental break down on my part to finally end things. He hit rock bottom and immediately got help, went to NA and therapy, quit coke and weed which was also smoking throughout the day. When not working and before shifts started. We got back together 3 months later as I respected the changes be made and wanted to support him. Very clear on no more drugs being taken, etc etc. Fast forward to last month and I caught him smoking a joint in the house. He came clean and told me he had bought a bag of weed and hidden it from me. We had a very tense few days but I ultimately forgive him. Now however since then I feel like I'm angry at him in a way I wasn't even last year. I'm so full of resentment and have torn our relationship to shreds in my head, we have so many other issues on top of this, lack of emotional or sexual stuff, don't do anything together, sometimes I find we even struggle to talk about anything. Our son is 2 and it's literally the worst possible time for an addict to relapse.

I guess I'm asking if anyone has ever pulled it back together after things have literally been torn to pieces. Or if its even worth it at all? Should I just be moving on with my life. We just bought a bloody house together and work part time taking care of our son it all seems so hard to split. I'm so scared to end up like my mum, the angry neglected wife of an alcoholic.

Sorry for wall of text I'm just so lost right now

You've acknowledged that the relationship is not good, even before you consider the drugs. This is not going to get better. Time to put your needs, and your child's needs, first. Leave. If you do it while your child is so young it will be easier all round.

Thank you for your reply. We've had so many conversations over things that need to be improved and they just haven't. I feel like I'm just shit at advocating for myself and instead just try keep the peace as much as I can. I'm being a bad excuse for a mother atm.

I put up with this for 16 years, cut your losses it will end badly some time, better now than after 12 years of trauma. See my other post for the consequences on your kids 😔

Get out now, it's not going to get better. Think of your child, really. My exDH is an alcoholic and he was pulling me down with him. Since splitting, I have a brilliant relationship with our DC, one which I definitely wouldn't have if I had stayed with ex. It's been several years now and I can hand on heart say it's the best thing I ever did. Yeah, financial worries are ever present but without that constant fear of ex's unpredictable behaviour and to be quite honest, he was a crap father and husband, didn't pull his weight in any way. Very selfish and self-centred actually.
You need to step up and act like your kids life depends on you and you alone because that's your reality.