I have a half brother that is 10 years my senior. He is nearly 60 years old.
We have never been really close due to the age gap. He lives 3 hours away and I live close to our Mother. My parents are divorced and my brother doesn’t have a relationship with my Dad although they are civil.
My DB has had a troubled past and is a difficult person to be around. He moved away some years ago and is settled with his wife. He is very opinionated and likes to dictate what others should do. He is loud and feels he is always right. He doesn’t listen. As he has gotten older he is fixated on his health and is always ill and has numerous ailments. zHe has been aggressive in the past.
He visits our Mother sometimes and I use to go to her house to see him but I struggle with his personality and I don’t feel comfortable in his company. He has been very rude and disrespectful in the past. I moved into a new home a few years ago and he came to visit our Mother. He was bringing her to my house and I thought he would come in and pay some interest in our new home but he dropped her off outside and drove off without as much as a ‘hello’. His niece wanted to call him to thank him for his gift and when he answered the phone he shouted “what do you want!” thinking it was me. These are just a few examples and he has had me in tears many times. He contacts me in relation to our Mother and vice versa . I used to send him pictures of his Neice but stopped as he doesn’t seem interested and it just fizzled out.
So onto the issue I need advice on..
He will only use one method of communication called Signal as he doesn’t trust WhatsApp etc. I have a new phone and didn’t download it as I only use Signal for his messages. I did try to download but I couldn’t remember the password. Mother hurt her ankle but it wasn’t serious. I got a text from my brother which read:
Why didn’t you tell me you no longer use signal. If you don’t want to receive anything then I can quite happily accommodate you. We only communicate in the barest sense of the word over our mother anyway, so if it’s all too much of an effort, then I suggest you go the whole hog and don’t bother me again.
I asked if he was okay? He replied:
Don’t attempt to defuse a situation by invoking some form of problem, hormonal, physical or otherwise. Noting wrong whatsoever apart from jumping through hoops to secure the most basic information. You’ve had that phone how long? Being a mother of one child doesnt preclude you from polite social interactions. I ask for the barest of information from you. You just gone beyond the line in the sand for the umpteenth time and sooner or later this was going to be the result. I suggest we communicate through our mother while she is still here.
This was a few weeks ago and I decided not to reply as I was upset and didn’t want to do anything rash. I also don’t want to upset Mum. It was my birthday last week and I didn’t get the usual card and text.
I am thinking of ignoring it and carrying on a normal, sending cards and birthday/Christmas wishes and just communicating about Mum when it’s really necessary.
Any advice please?