I am really low mentally as currently going through a divorce. My ex husband is still interfering and very involved but I'm also trying to keep things civil and pleasant for everyone, mostly the children. I know my boundaries are being crossed, I know things are getting confusing. But I am struggling to take control.
I have no support from any family members at all. My mum visits every 3 weeks and stays with her disabled sister. My home becomes the hub during these visits and I get no time to get anything done as I feel like I'm constantly entertaining. Mum's sister is a hoarder. Mum complains about her endlessly to me then leaves my house at bed times so I don't have any time to go out or take a break or anything as she wants to get back to her sister so I am then having to do children's bedtimes etc after a tiring day. I also strongly suspect that she is rushing back so quickly to drink alcohol. I believe she has a problem with alcohol. I always feel guilty that the children are with their dad during part of my mum's visit as she doesn't get to see them. She says it's fine but last time she made comments like "I feel I've barely seen the children." But I also need a break!
My mum passes comments asking "why is exH here again?"
"Why is exH coming?"
"He needs to see them on x day not today." Everything is so easy from her POV and she doesn't live my life. She had all the support from my grandparents when I was growing up, she left me with them regularly. I don't have this support from her as she lives too far away. But she judges me for relying on my ex for practical support.
One of our children is autistic so it helps sometimes that exH is around to help. But I know she's right, it's not helping me emotionally. It's just the comments. I feel like I'm constantly getting it wrong. Like she's judging me. And then the guilt when the children aren't at my house when she's visiting. I often change arrangements so she can see the children but this doesn't suit me! Then she says I didn't need to but there are comments if I dont.
My Dad lives in the same town but I barely see him. If I visit him he tells me I should have called first and is short with me. He's unwelcoming if we visit him but complains that he barely sees the children because we're not home enough. He expects to come and visit us exactly when it suits him then has the audacity to complain about my gardening. It is difficult to see him as when I have the children we often go out at the weekends- I don't want to be at home then rest of the time they're with their father. My Dad adds the pressure of visits and tbh, I don't want to see him. I certainly wouldn't want him coming on a day out with us either.
I feel let down by the people who are supposed to support me the most- my parents and my husband (now ex). I am devastated that out marriage has ended and that he made some of the choices he made.
And Compared to my ex's parents mine are dreadful. They actually help him with childcare now and then and ease the stress of lone parenting. My parents just seem to add extra pressure.
I'm also mad at myself for not being firmer with exH who is genuinely helpful in a practical sense but interferes and is in my space far too much. I am finding it difficult to detach emotionally. Yet he hasn't wanted to work at our marriage either.
If I'm being honest, I don't particularly like the people either of my parents have turned into. I am also fed up of having my heart broken by my ex who seems to build my hopes up and let me down again. I understand why my mum is trying to get me to see that this is wrong, but it's hardly like she's helping me either.
I feel like I need to get away from all of them, my parents and my ex. Maybe I'm wallowing, but I feel let down.