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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Another cheating one handhold - how to handle the kids

18 replies

sameoldlove · 28/07/2023 22:54

Been together 3.5 years, found out he's been sexting other women on Snapchat of all things! Didn't think he was this sort of person at all and I feel totally blindsided.

He's the first person I let in properly since splitting with the kids dad and I naively let my guard down and fully trusted him. I honestly don't know how I will ever trust anyone again after this. I am so fed up of people letting me down and treating me like this. I worry it's me, do I let people act like this towards me? What am I doing wrong? I literally feel like giving up on men at this point apart from the fact I have a great dad and brother so I know there are good guys out there!

I am most worried about my two youngest 10 and 5 who have grown really attached to him over the last two years, he even moved in a couple of months ago. What a mess. Kids on his side too. What will I say to them. They will miss him loads they see him more as a dad than their own useless one. Feel like I've let them down.

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 28/07/2023 23:07

:-( so sorry op. Just concentrate on looking after yourself for now and everything with the kids you'll work out later xx

sameoldlove · 28/07/2023 23:19

Thank you, I just feel in shock at the moment. And angry.

OP posts:
AuntMarch · 28/07/2023 23:23

you haven't let anyone down!
The children may be upset, but it's ok to be sad about something! I am sure they'd soon be ok. Just make sure that whatever you tell them to explain, that you make it very clear that nothing they do would make you tell them to leave!

Hawkins0001 · 28/07/2023 23:25

Depends on can you fix the relationship ?

sameoldlove · 28/07/2023 23:33

No no going back from it. I made this mistake with kids dad and he just did it over and over. If he's done it once it will happen again. He isn't happy or satisfied enough with me if he needs to look elsewhere

OP posts:
Newshoess · 28/07/2023 23:47

Sending you a handhold. Good for you OP you have to put your kids first. Does he have a place or family he can stay at? Snap chat and speaking to other women sounds very immature.

Hawkins0001 · 28/07/2023 23:48

sameoldlove · 28/07/2023 23:33

No no going back from it. I made this mistake with kids dad and he just did it over and over. If he's done it once it will happen again. He isn't happy or satisfied enough with me if he needs to look elsewhere

That's understandable, then I guess be honest with them there step dad is a pickle of the highest order

Aquamarine1029 · 28/07/2023 23:50

Is the house yours?

sameoldlove · 29/07/2023 00:17

Yes the house is mine completely, I trusted him but still made sure to keep me and the kids protected financially and practically in that sense. Their dad really put me through it!

I don't know how I would trust again after this, as I said it's the feeling of being let down too and anger at him.

OP posts:
Masterofhappydays · 29/07/2023 00:42

Silly man. You sound lovely and so level headed. Sorry he felt the need to do this to you. I’m not sure why so many men are arseholes and can’t just be happy with what they have. So many feel the need to get attention elsewhere. That’s a reflection on him, not you. You’re not lacking and I’m glad you have the confidence and strength to recognise there’s no going back and you have to move forward. Hand hold x

Aquamarine1029 · 29/07/2023 01:11

Yes the house is mine completely

Excellent. Tell him to leave immediately. I would not allow him to stay for one more minute.

Dotcheck · 29/07/2023 01:14

Hawkins0001 · 28/07/2023 23:25

Depends on can you fix the relationship ?

Are you serious?

Dotcheck · 29/07/2023 01:15

The step dad is a pickle?
🤦‍♀️

nalabae · 29/07/2023 02:23

This is so sad I'm very sorry. This will pass like it did with your children's dad.
Some men I don't get it just be single

ZekeZeke · 29/07/2023 08:13

I'm sorry you are going through this.
Kick his arse out of your home.
Don't listen to any of his pathetic excuses.

Hibiscrubbed · 29/07/2023 09:42

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a poster downplay adultery as much as @Hawkins0001.

Depends, can you fix the relationship?

The stepdad is a pickle.

Please be a troll. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Buildingthefuture · 29/07/2023 10:44

Just wanted to say op, that him pulling this shit is absolutely NOTHING to do with him not being “happy enough or satisfied” by you. It’s because he’s not satisfied with himself and there is literally nothing you could have done to prevent this. He needs validation from women and cheap thrills. That’s on him, not you.

JokerAndTheQueen · 29/07/2023 11:01

It isn't a reflection on you that he has done this. It is his choice to do what he has and now he reaps the consequences. I don't think not fully trusting again is a bad thing. You can only fully trust yourself as you are only responsible for your actions. You can look at this 2 ways which is sadness this has happened or relief you have protected you and your children. Allow yourself grieving time but be proud that you ensured yours and your children's home remained protected. You can heal and you will heal

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