Why do I still love him?

[Tiff376]

Im so confused and need some help as to what’s going on please.
Me and my ex broke up 4 weeks ago after a long relationship. We were engaged , bought a house and I thought this was it.

Throughout our relationship he mucked me about , called me names , physically abused me and made me feel like I was going mad.

At first I felt relieved for it to be over but now he’s being really nice and amicable I’m starting to wonder if I’ve overreacted and it’s my fault.

Im scared nobody else is going to want me and mid thirties my world is in tatters. What’s going on? Surely if I still have these feelings it couldn’t of been that bad?

Hi others will be along to post soon but basically what you’re feeling is totally normal but he is definitely not right for you. You will find someone who is worthwhile but not if you keep going backwards. Onwards and upwards !

This is sadly, part of the abuse cycle. They kick you about physically and emotionally and then draw you back in. It’s actually really normal to still love and care for the person who is abusive you you, it can make it really difficult to separate from them because you want to believe that they can change.
Just because you are mid thirties does not mean you are on the shelf! It’s no age at all, you are still young and can find someone else if that’s what you want. Right now though, focus on what’s best for you. If a man is making you feel crazy, he’s simply not good enough for you. That’s not what a relationship is about and you need to get away from that fast. You already sound like you’re doubting yourself and the longer you stay in it, the worse that gets. A solid relationship and good partner don’t make you feel that way, in fact you feel quite the opposite!

He is an abuser and this latest behaviour is part of his game.

Hi there,

Fours weeks is not a long time after a long term relationship, just because you are no longer together doesn’t been that the feelings stop.

It also sounds like you were in an abusive relationship and could be trauma bonded. Maybe think about getting some counselling and reading about trauma bonding and abusive relationships. Women’s Aid has a forum that also could help.

Take each day as it comes and no it will get better over time. Rebuilding your confidence is a journey x