Normal during grief to have relationship issues?

[Normalornot1]

My DF sadly passed away a couple of months ago. It was very traumatic for the whole family.

Over the last few weeks, me and DP have started to argue loads more and honestly? If we didn't have kids and a mortgage etc I suspect I would have at the very least taken some time away for myself and at worst, potentially have moved out.

It's at a stage where I'm having to withdraw because I find Dp so hard to be around.

Nothing significant has happened
Dp has been and still is supportive. I know I'm less tolerant though.

We do have ongoing issues with a lack of intimacy and also being unable to find time for ourselves either individually or as a couple, this is due to having young children and both of us working long hours.

I'm hoping that this is temporary and maybe tied into the grief process. Has anyone else experienced similar?

Firstly, I'm so very sorry for your loss.

I'm going through similar, except that our issues pre-date the awful bit!

DM died in January, DD was in a care home with dementia and so we were unable to tell him as he wouldn't understand. He then passed away last month.

Dh and I agreed to separate in April, but are now on our very last trying to make it work. Except it's not.

We also have the lack of intimacy, children & school holidays, both work full time although he does find time for himself!

My friends keep telling me this is the wrong time to make a big decision, but if not now then when? There's no time limit on grief.

I think grief often shows up problems that have been there all along, but have been ignored. I also think that when you experience a death it makes you think more about your own mortality, and how you know you’ve not got forever, so you need to make it better.

Not my partner, but my brother. The only time we’ve fallen out since we became adults was shortly after our father’s death. It was resolved fairly quickly, but was quite stressful for a few days. I imagine it could easily happen in a marriage, especially if you’re not in the best place as a couple before the bereavement.

Hi @Normalornot1 i'm so sorry for your loss xx
What you and your DP are going through is temporary and normal. Keep communicating with your DP. Look after yourself and take each day as it comes xx

Thanks everyone. A mixed bag of responses. I will see how things go.

This happened to me many years ago but in an odd way, my DSis bf died tragically. In the aftermath I found it hard to be intimate or have fun with my dp as I felt it wasn't fair for my DSis. I never had any conversation with my DSis about it, it was purely an internal angst.

Yes, in brief, it is completely normal. Grief changes how people behave, moods, openness...
I hope it gets better but make each other aware early on how this may be affecting what's going on.

Sorry for your loss op.

Yes it's normal. It puts more pressure on and shines a spotlight on issues. If he's usually uncaring and not affectionate you might not be 'needy' enough for it to bother you enough especially when you're busy with day to day work life etc but now when you really do need kindness you will notice that lack a lot more.

I really recommend booking yourself a couple of days away - spa or yoga retreat, for your own well-being - focus on you. Insist he holds the fort down. You'll come back with a clearer head xx

I'm very sorry for your loss. Would agree that it's normal to experience relationship issues when dealing with grief. They say you should wait a year to make any big decisions. For my part, my DP expressed surprised that I was still grieving my mother after 6 weeks...