I have been having a lot of problems of late. I have become depressed and actively suicidal. It relates to emotional pain I endured when I was younger. Im no longer suicidal, though my mood is still rock bottom.
I opened up to my partner who was only somewhat supportive in my opinion. We had a row a month or so ago and instead of being to one to tell me things would get better, she actually told me that I was never going to get over this and was moreorless pressing my buttons when it came to me feeling suicidal because she was upset.
She has trivialised how my past has affected me and told me that all of this is 'so self-indulgent'. 'What a mystery you are, how special and interesting you are that noone can work you out'
Im under an NHS psychiatrist who has diagnosed depression rather than anything else.
My self-esteem is rock bottom so I have been dieting. When I talk to her about this she thinks it's all faddy dieting and pressures me to stop. She belittles my efforts, or at least this is how it feels. For some reason I cant understand, each time I want to take the kids somewhere to have a family day out, she never wants to come and actively tries to dissuade me from doing anything with the kids, saying they have too much and they dont need it.
I cant help that this has changed the way I see her.
I've withdrawn totally from her of late because, honestly, I dont want to talk to her, I dont want to tell her anything. I certainly dont want to have sex with her.
I dont really know how to improve this. It will have to come from me because there is nothing ever forthcoming from her. She refuses to go to Relate, as I have suggested many times in the past when we have a rough patch.