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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Seed of discord

5 replies

JustMe2001 · 28/07/2023 11:21

I have been having a lot of problems of late. I have become depressed and actively suicidal. It relates to emotional pain I endured when I was younger. Im no longer suicidal, though my mood is still rock bottom.

I opened up to my partner who was only somewhat supportive in my opinion. We had a row a month or so ago and instead of being to one to tell me things would get better, she actually told me that I was never going to get over this and was moreorless pressing my buttons when it came to me feeling suicidal because she was upset.

She has trivialised how my past has affected me and told me that all of this is 'so self-indulgent'. 'What a mystery you are, how special and interesting you are that noone can work you out'

Im under an NHS psychiatrist who has diagnosed depression rather than anything else.

My self-esteem is rock bottom so I have been dieting. When I talk to her about this she thinks it's all faddy dieting and pressures me to stop. She belittles my efforts, or at least this is how it feels. For some reason I cant understand, each time I want to take the kids somewhere to have a family day out, she never wants to come and actively tries to dissuade me from doing anything with the kids, saying they have too much and they dont need it.

I cant help that this has changed the way I see her.

I've withdrawn totally from her of late because, honestly, I dont want to talk to her, I dont want to tell her anything. I certainly dont want to have sex with her.

I dont really know how to improve this. It will have to come from me because there is nothing ever forthcoming from her. She refuses to go to Relate, as I have suggested many times in the past when we have a rough patch.

OP posts:
Hallmark1234 · 28/07/2023 11:31

Well on the face of it it sounds like she doesn't care very much about you/and or your past and present problems, but we can't know if you're being a drama queen and she isn't pandering to you in the way you might want her to.

Only you can know deep down which it is, but if she's so unbothered I would stop trying to get her to care and find my own solutions, whether that be help for your previous trauma, or even split up from her.

GreyCarpet · 28/07/2023 11:32

Have you considered not trying to fix it but walking away instead?

She isn't supportive, she makes you feel worse, you've withdrawn from her and don't want to talk to her, and you don't want to have sex with her.

That would mean the end to me. Why doesn't it to you?

GreyCarpet · 28/07/2023 11:34

She refuses to go to Relate, as I have suggested many times in the past when we have a rough patch

Tbh, it sounds like a relationship that's been barely limping along for some time.

StillPerplexed · 28/07/2023 11:42

What a drag! It sounds like she doesn't want you to get better, or she can't see it happening and is making it a self-fulfilling prophecy. The comment about not wanting to go out with the kids is particularly sad— saying that they have enough and so their lives shouldn't be enriched is miserable.

Seaoftroubles · 28/07/2023 11:48

This sounds like the end to me. She's dismissive of your problems and you say you have totally withdrawn from her. Communication now appears to be rock bottom. You could tell her its make or break time and again suggest couples counselling, but if she still refuses best to call it a day, separate, and work on your mental health and self care.

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