At least I'm not like Paul

[KatherineSwynford1403]

My ex had a lot of faults (of course so do I) one of them was that he drank too much. On holiday he would steadily drink throughout the day and excuse it because he was pacing himself. Oftentimes I couldn't have a conversation with him because of slurring.

Paul is a guy we both knew who drank far, far, too much and his wife found bottles and glasses hidden all over the house in the weirdest of places and he was invariably rat-arsed each time we went to his house. He was also a gambler and a gaslighter and an armchair philosopher. And lazy.

If ever I tried to talk to my ex about drinking too much he would feign innocence and then say that at least he was nowhere near as bad as Paul. And I was a nagger.

It was not only irrelevant to my life what Paul did, my ex seemed to think it was a badge of honour that he was only a small fragment of a piss artist and not at all like Paul.

Your ex was an alcoholic and couldn't admit/accept it? Poor guy. I hope him and Paul are getting help with their addicition

I actually think he was an alcoholic but he would never admit it. I once met him for a drink at 2pm and he had already had some by the time I met him and drank at least three pints with me. It is becoming clearer.

Why do you need things to become clearer? Are you working through getting over him still?

I am not still getting over him in the sense I am sorry to have lost him, still love him or want him back and have to come to terms with it or anything like that, but I am still processing the fact I wasted so much time and didn't see the problems, I was with him for several years. I am getting over the loss of time. I used to be so clingy and insecure throughout life in general and with him when we first started out together but being with him I have become more and more independent without realising it if that makes sense. I withdrew bit by bit.

One evening at my house he decided to drink some Amaretto on its own in a glass, well several glasses, and I now know that he had a drink problem. I would drink it because I like the taste of Amaretto in my coffee. I kept it for putting on ice cream fgs!!

I think about holidays for instance. I have started to go away on my own these last few years so I'm not answerable to anyone, partners or friends. Some may think it is self-centred but it's really liberating and when I am walking around something I want to see, sitting in a coffee shop having coffee, cake and reading, I think back to holidays when time was spent in bars and he would drink red wine in the daytime (I couldn't function if I did that; I hardly drink and never in the day as I fall asleep after one daytime drink) and I would be exhorted to "have a proper drink" that I didn't want.

I guess I am re-evaluating.