Lying porn addicted boyfriend. Please help!!

[RealEyesRealizeRealLies1]

Not sure where to begin. I need advice. What friends I did have moved away I lost their contact info and have no one to talk to.
I have been trying to figure this out in my head but it's not working.

So I just found out recently (last year or so) that my boyfriend of 5 years has lied to me about a lot of things.

One of those things is his porn habits. I was completely open and honest with him when we met and told him I didn't want to be with a man that was watching porn every day. I explained in detail my thoughts and opinions and told him I have never been happy with someone like that and he agreed with most of what I said and told me he didn't watch it that much because it didn't really do much for him either.

He watches it alllll the time! He waits for me to fall asleep and literally most nights is up all night long watching porn. Then also throughout the day whenever he has a chance to get away with it.

It's not just the porn it's also the kind of porn he likes that is disgusting and disturbing to me.

It's like everything he says he doesn't like...he does.

He has also lied about some things that happened between him and his ex girlfriend.. calling her beautiful when she sends him pics, calling her his wife when he's drunk and a bunch of other stuff like that.

My problem is that I told him I wouldn't be happy. I was honest and he wasn't and hasn't been our whole relationship. He lied about himself he is not the man I fell in love with. He is still lying and denying everything. Even if I catch him doing something he gets mad and very defensive and never wants to talk about anything that makes ripples in our relationship. Even something small like me asking why he said something to his ex or why he lied to me etc. I can't communicate with him about things that are making me feel insecure with our relationship because he doesn't want to hear it.

I have tried to tell him he is pushing me away but he doesn't seem to care. He just gets angry and kees lying and doing the same things.

I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm not usually insecure like this I wish people could just be honest for a change I'm tired of all these liars

Does anyone have any advice on how to get through to him? I would appreciate it, thanks :)

You have told him where your line is and he has crossed it many many times. You are telling him that when he crosses the line it's ok because you don't really mean it.

He won't change because he doesn't need to.

He disrespects you time and time again.

Where is your respect for yourself.

It's time to leave this relationship.

He knew how you felt. He continued with his habit and lies to you. I'd end it on lack of trust

Stop wasting your time. He has contempt for you and you explaining your feelings and reasonable needs is something he does not care about.

Actions are more important than words. His actions are contemptuous and your action should be to never bother with him again.

Google 'sunk cost fallacy'

Don't fall victim. Get rid.

No I do not have kids with him. I do have a child I was a single mother when I met him but not with him

Thanks.
His ex was sending him pics because she was jealous he was with me. His excuse was he was trying to be nice so he could see his daughter. He also has a child with her. This is no excuse in my book and I already told him I didn't appreciate being treated like that and that stuff makes me not trust him even more.

You say you've been with him 5 years but known for a year or so he is addicted to a type of porn you find disgusting ?
it's been said many a time on here before , but if a friend told you it was happening to her , what would you tell her to do ?
I'm betting leave him would be top of your list.

Does anyone have any advice on how to get through to him? I would appreciate it, thanks

You can't get through to him. He lied to you from the beginning, and what you have seen since is the real him.

You are never going to change him. He is never going to change himself, because he doesn't want to. He doesn't care about your feelings on the matter either.

The biggest mistake that you could make here is staying in this relationship. You will waste valuable years trying to get him to listen and change while you continually get hurt. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

Just don't. Save yourself the heartache and dump him now.

I understand this. This is exactly what I have been telling myself and him.i thought that maybe I wasn't helping the situation or making it worse and I'm sure I am I just thought he was different I guess. I feel like I'm still in shock in a way.

I'm not the type of woman that likes to just give up on relationships easily I believe in working things out if possible but when he just continues to lie and deceive me it makes me feel like this is all pointless especially when I'm the only one trying.

I'm not perfect and am probably hard to be with but I didn't lie to him about who I was or anything like that. It hurts. And sometimes just someone telling me what I already know is enough. Thanks all. I really appreciate it. Going throw rough time in my life and these relationship problems don't help.

Outside advice helps put things in perspective sometimes :)

Thats one of the things I cought him lying about. He said he didn't like porn like that but it seems to be main kind of porn he likes.

I already am suffering from anxiety and I panic disorder I get panic attacks and bad anxiety attacks and all this porn crap and lies make it so much worse.

You started so well, you set yourself some personal boundaries and drew your line in the sand, sounds like you communicated this to him well.

He has pushed past each of the lines you clearly drew and he refuses to acknowledge or discuss this with you.

End it in the same way you started this relationship, strong and recognising your self worth. Don't back down on the standards you set initially.

If he is anything like my ex he is far more interested in porn than a functional sex life. My ex was also far more interested in my money, home, food etc than me. I got rid because he wasn’t going to change and I wasn’t about to debase myself by playing ‘pick me’.

Yuk he's horrible

"I'm not the type of woman that likes to just give up on relationships easily I believe in working things out if possible but when he just continues to lie and deceive me it makes me feel like this is all pointless especially when I'm the only one trying."

You need to set better standards about what's acceptable behaviour.

This bloke isn't worth bothering about.

He's a liar. He disrespects you on a daily basis. You told him what your boundaries are when you met him, he's trampled all over them.
You can stay with him, and this will be your life,until you leave him.

What do you have to gain by "working things out" with a complete loser??

Don't throw away any more of your life on this creep. It's not noble or admirable to stay in a shitty relationship, if you can even call it such. Raise your standards.

This is excellent advice. I’m sorry this happened, but you’ve recognised the problem, tried to solve it and found it cannot be solved. You’ve done your best, now don’t waste any more years. Your child is learning about relationships from the one s/he’s growing up in.