Apologies, quite a long one. Well l'm currently annoyed with myself for caring tbh but unfortunately like many abuse survivors the past and associated memories creep up in the most unexpected and unwelcome ways. My violent ex had no real interest in his child when we were together, and once l fled his rare desire to see his child was used primarily to intimidate and control me still. His interest fizzled out and only returned once he was aware l had a new partner.
Luckily l very rarely see him or his wife. ( The occasions l have seen him have made me feel physically sick sometimes still.)
Unfortunately, as per with new partners of abusers his wife has been spoon fed the parental alienation line, and of course the abuse l suffered and that was witnessed by my child has been omitted.
I've unfortunately recently been made aware by a well meaning friend that his current wife has been discussing the issue again and that l have been have once again criticised in very strong terms. Our child has voiced their own opinions for many years, and has had appropriate counselling, and various options regarding contact over the years with me remaing neutral. ( Very difficult under the circumstances.) Our child is an adult now.
Now of course I'm very aware that his wife has relied on information from my ex, however l do have to wonder why she has never wondered why he refused mediation/ contact centre/court/using a solicitor or even basic contact of his own accord? He only started wanting contact once again when he began a relationship with her, and when as it turns out, they were about to marry, and waned once it had taken place. They have had a child, both events of which his first child was not informed.
(In fact at the time before the wedding that we were unaware of his girlfriend, now wife, turned up out of the blue, my child having had no contact from her father, to our home, creating. Ironically apparently she is a childcare professional, regardless of which it is innapropriate in any circumstances.)
I did try to explain to her at the time the situation, and that the police had put a panic alarm in my property due to various incidents and cctv but she wouldn't believe me, but she was so full of anger and unwarranted hate that l don't think she was in a rational state. Perhaps they are well suited?!
It makes me upset after all this time the way in which l am portrayed still. I did wonder if perhaps she was now experiencing similar abuse? Of course despite my annoyance at her behaviour l certainly hope not for her and her childs sake. Perhaps criticising me still deflects from her issues?
My life is settled, happy and fulfilled, and of course l am thankful every day that l escaped, so why on earth do l feel irritated by his wife, someone who doesn't know me, and who's opinions are based on someone who is supposed to love her, but has lied to her for years? I have had to politely ask my friend not to divulge any more details of either of their lives, although l think they feel they are being helpful/loyal, and of course are also trying to make sense of a very uncomfortable situation, which makes no rational sense to those who haven't suffered abuse.
Sadly l should imagine l am one of many on MN and elsewhere who feel the same at times, l have heard of so many similar situations and stories over time, but now it's happening to me and it's been surprisingly draining emotionally.