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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Two time looser … Now what ?

5 replies

Japer78 · 27/07/2023 21:57

Ok so I’m I have been divorced once and now separated. Not ready to date but concerned woman will run a mile given my track record …

Truth is I am a good guy but how the hell do you drop my past failed marriages in to a a conversation 😂 …. and a chance …

Talk straight !!! Thanks

OP posts:
Atalanta1 · 27/07/2023 23:49

I only found out after my father died that my mother was his fourth wife. They were together 35 years and very happy. I have two divorces behind me and am in my forties, I’m proud of the fact I didn’t stay where I wasn’t loved and respected. Could you not use this as a tool to weed out women who are shallow/ignorant/unable to empathise? Life happens!

(my father only had two divorces too, one wife sadly passed away.)

OneMoreCookieMonster · 28/07/2023 00:01

Ultimately all you can do is be honest. Some will look past it and want to get to know you for others it will be a deal breaker.

Good luck

GreyCarpet · 28/07/2023 11:03

For me, it would depend how old you are, reasons for separating, timescales etc.

Eg, my partner was married for 20+ years. They split up because his wife ecame am alcoholic and cheated on him (i know this to be true - i know his friends and his childen and have met his ex wife all of whom confirmed it). He was a good dad then and continues to he a good dad now amd has a positive relationship with his ex.

He met his next partner a couple of years later. They were together for 10 years. They didn't marry but could quite easily have done so. Their relationship suffered for many reasons beyond their control and they split up. I met him when they were a couple so I knew her too. It was a good relationship until it wasn't anymore.

He and I have been together for two years. He is a good, kind, compassionate, loyal, loving and hardworking man.

I might feel differently though if he were 29 and getting divorced for a second time. That would suggest impulsively and poor decision making.

The bottom line is that I would take the wider context into consideration. I certainly wouldn't write someone off for it at my age or older (late 40s) but I'd want to know the details if I were younger and looking for someone to build a life and start a family with.

GreyCarpet · 28/07/2023 11:04

*impulsivity

CauliWoes · 28/07/2023 11:13

It wouldn't put me off, unless the relationships failing were because of your actions. We all make mistakes, but a serial cheat isn't likely to change

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