Friend with mental illness

[MrsAlgernon]

My friend (daily texting level of friendship of almost 10 years) had a lot of awful things happen to her recently, one thing after another to avoid outing details. Her mental health has taken a nosedive (lengthy inpatient stay to this day).

She is now understandably using social media as an outlet, being a very good writer and getting all the support she needs from people in similar situation.

I only found out about her secret group of 1000 people from another friend frustrated at her lack of communication and asking me about her.

I didn't even know about this group and it hurts that someone who used to call me her best friend and godparent to her kids wouldn't seems to struggle to share with me her good and bad now and I have no idea what is going on with her, whereas odd 1000+ people know everything.

Last time we met up was one month ago and it was effortless communication, I was there to do all the listening and make her laugh, I doubt it is her avoiding me on purpose and tired of pretending to be normal.

I am the one who advises her other friends to be patient and that she probably wants her friends to be still there when she emerges out of this mental black hole.

Yet I am seething on the inside...it has been more than a year of this. Most of the time I have nothing but sympathy but there are odd days when I am frustrated "is it mental illness or she just really doesn't care anymore?"

Has anyone else been through it?

I am definitely conscious of "You sound too needy, you need to get out more and get some other friends".

Her other outlet isn’t about you. SM creates para social relationships that are not real and to build it the poster must create (or explore) a para identity that isn’t exactly real too. She may be experimenting with aspects of her life—and experimenting with new friends. Let her. It is no reflection in you and you might take a deep breath and reflect in the ego you have invested in being her champion/controller who explains her to others.

Yes true, it has nothing to do with me. I do wish I didn't miss her but then there are days when her absence...hits.

You saw her a month ago. That isn't an unusually long period of time in the grand scheme of things. I agree with PP, you're making this about you. It's not. This is a kind of therapy for her. Its a way for her to retreat into her own thoughts and express herself. It's her own private thing. It doesn't need to involve anyone she knows in 'real life'. Friends don't need to share every aspect of their lives with each other. You don't need to keep explaining her behaviour to others, you're not her guardian.

Do you reach out to her? Do you let her know you're there for her when she's ready to talk?

What is this about the post saying that I go out of my way explaining her to others for my own kicks? I don't think I even need to explain that it was couple of people reaching out to me asking me about her, I said she is as uncommunicative with me too. I don't think it is wrong to say that if she ever wishes to come back into contact it is fine to be there.

I think I am writing this post because in my heart of hearts I just know this is it, she has left the town last year, now lives 6 hrs away and probably mentally is moving on too.

So I don't know how to answer the question about how I am reaching out to to her. Drop her a line once per two weeks or so about our pet topics, meme, without that paralysing "how is life?" question. Sometimes response sometimes nothing. Should I let carry on that way or let it gracefully slide into nothing?