I’ve been on two dates with someone who has the most amazing personality. We have loads in common, it’s incredible. He ticks pretty much all of everything id want in a partner. Kind. Clever. Funny. Creative. Practical…. the list goes on.
Thing is… Im not too sure whether I fancy him. Looks wise, he has a very very big beard and I did find that when we kissed on our second date I didn’t like the feel of it on my face.
Something that might also have something to do with how I’m feeling is that I had a sex related injury with my last partner. I think it has affected the way I feel about getting close to someone physically. It was not abuse, more an accident due to not communicating well enough, or knowing enough about certain dangers… I had always been quite into ‘kink’ but now I feel absolutely repulsed by the idea of sex like that, after it went wrong.
I feel guarded. And emotional at the idea of being close again with someone. I don’t feel very trusting, and also sense that I need to relearn how to have sex and be intimate in a way that is more loving and connected.
it’s all feeling very new… last night we hugged and
kissed on our second date and I felt like I was scared. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, and I felt very overwhelmed.
He’s very calm and consensual so I feel like I can go at my pace. We have plans to see each other again tomorrow, which would be the third time we’ve hung out in 4 days. It’s feeling gentle but I’m also feeling tired from socialising this week. Part of me wonders whether to ask if we can wait until next week.
I recently got diagnosed as autistic and adhd
and have stopped drinking and generally am in a very new phase of life, and getting to know myself and my needs. So overall I feel a bit confused.
Please go gently on me! Thanks in advance ❤️