When is enough an enough?

[Midsummer23]

Evening mumsnet,
I need advise on when to know when’s enough in a relationship, I know my marriage has been very unfair for a long time now but what can I do to make myself put me first?
for context I have 2 preschoolers & have been married 7 years. Usual sad setup of me working pt, DH long hours self employed- we both ears okay but obviously my income suffered greatly since having children. Dh works 6 day weeks long hours & I do 95% of jobs around home plus childcare.
this weekends plans I think might be the straw that’s broken the camels back. DH had a weeks holiday away as well as several weekends in a row earlier in the year, I had a hard time juggling kids/work & illnesses. Had this coming weekend booked as a night away doing something for me without the kids so looked forward to it. DH just announced he’s away tomorrow evening until Sunday, can take the kids but it’s camping & I don’t want them out in the cold with him & his friends so have had to organise my mum to take care of them. Mums told me DH very selfish to not care for kids on the weekend I had planned. Dh says I’m being unreasonable said I can’t stop him from going away.
I just don’t know what to do, what do you do when you’re treated badly, iv been there for him through a lot & feel sad it was my turn and he’s being mean.

I think that’s enough right there @Midsummer23 he’s a selfish bastard and you deserve better xxx

Another vote for leaving him. There are so many selfish men out there who don't deserve to have kids.

I’m on the fence.

The only reason he’s not looking after them this weekend is because you won’t let him.

Surely as their dad he is able to decide whether it’s too cold to take them camping or not?

Why is he spending all this time away from you? Do you think this is normal?

@Mayhem3 our kids don’t sleep well & wev never taken them camping, our youngest unwell with a cold I just think he’s putting his wants to go before the kids sleeping well & being at home. Plus I will worry, I just want a weekend away without worrying you know.

@MadKittenWoman he has a hobby that is spread over weekends, his family all do the same & always have done so it’s normal to him. As iv said in my post I’m not happy with it but wanted others thoughts

How old are your children?
It could be a fun time most kids love camping. Do you not trust your husband to look after them properly?

On the face of it, I don't think you should have stepped in and changed the plans. It sounds like what everyone needs right now is for your husband to spend a bit of time bonding with the kids while you go and have some well-earned down time. You've simply reinforced your status as default parent.

That said, he still sounds like a bit of a selfish arse all round. If I were you, I'd start getting an exit strategy in place, e.g. increasing your hours at work, seeing a solicitor.

I completely understand why you’d want a weekend by yourself without worrying but I think he’s their parent too and if they don’t sleep well at camping then that’s his responsibility and he has to deal with the consequences.

He now has a child free weekend and has probably gotten exactly what he wants.

Now anytime you are going out for the weekend he can say he’s taking them camping, knowing you’ll cancel your plans or get someone else to have the kids.

Thank you for your advice guys, it’s so useful to see other perspectives & I agree maybe Iv helicopter patented over this weekend. My DH did come home from work last night and agreed he was being unreasonable and has organised to take the children with him tomorrow & drop them to my mum Saturday evening & take them out Sunday so they are not camping overnight