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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Bipolar Friend Left Child at Home without Food

4 replies

thewinterqueen · 27/07/2023 14:59

I have a close friend who struggles alot with her mental health. SHe has bipolar, which is medicated, and she is usually very stable and makes good decisions. However, she has recently met a man and has started to hyperfocus on the relationship. She went on holiday last week with him, and I got a call from her daughter in tears. She had been left at home with no food, no money and no way of getting to the shops. Now, the child in question turned 18 last week, but she is vulnerable herself. I love my friend dearly, but I am very cross about it. I took her daughter to the shops and made sure she had everything she needed, but it just feels very crap and I don't know what to do about it. My friend has changed considerably since meeting this man, and started to neglect all her friendships, etc. I was sad that she was neglecting friendships, but could deal with it. I feel like it's totally different when it's their child though.

I don't know what to do about this situation. It has triggered my own anxiety, and made me feel quite crap about the friendship. I dont think she would react well to being told how I feel about things, so maybe it is time to step away from the friendship? She has changed alot recently, and I am struggling to understand the way she is behaving. I did tell her that I was worried that she was putting all her eggs in one basket with this guy, but she seems blind to anything and anyone else. I'm really unsure what to do.

OP posts:
KateJohns · 27/07/2023 15:06

Does the daughter have any involvement from adult social care in her area?
If she's vulnerable, that might be a worth while call to make and it'd give her a contact point if she needed one.

thewinterqueen · 27/07/2023 15:11

She doesn't and I dont think she'd be willing to do it either, cos she adores her mother and wouldnt want to get her in trouble :(

OP posts:
PTSDBarbiegirl · 27/07/2023 15:13

18 is not a child but if vulnerable YP help might be available. Your friend sounds as though she is deeply in the midst of a manic episode and has met a guy who is feeding off this. Basically you need to speak to her alone and drum it into her about how upset her DD was and that it's is not acceptable. She could have come off meds and be in crisis. I have been in your friends shoes and she clearly needs crisis help. Being blunt is the only way to go "when your DD called, alone and upset I felt angry and concerned. Are you off your medication". I'd be inclined to focus on the DD getting her linked in with support if poss. Say what you need to say to friend then step away until she reaches out again.

gogomoto · 27/07/2023 15:19

At 18 she isn't a child, she's potentially a vulnerable adult but sounds like she's not known to social services. I think encouraging your friend to get her dd involved with adult social services to help with transition is the answer

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