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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Hormones & Prenatal Depression and then an abortion

1 reply

JontyD · 27/07/2023 13:52

My girlfriend and i were only together for less than 3 months when we found out we were pregnant. We were both thrilled about this (we both have children from previous relationships). We get on so well together and we are so compatible.
Suddenly about 4 weeks ago she finished with me out of the blue and said that she doesn’t love me anymore. I said to her this could be hormones and she said no. She became very cold and matter of fact at this point.
She said before we were pregnant, she loved me, but then 2 weeks prior to her finishing with me she started getting tired and hormones started kicking in. She then told me about the best thing for us to do was to have an abortion. I really wanted to keep the baby, but I never pushed my view onto her. I just said I would go with whatever she wanted to do.
She has now gone through with an abortion. Now, she has gone through with the abortion, her hormones have now settled, and she has said she regrets everything (splitting up and the abortion) and she has even admitted that I was right, as she thinks her hormones and some prenatal depressions have affected her.
I asked her if there is a chance, we could resolve stuff and get back together, and she said she didn’t know as her head is all over the place and she’s not sure what she’s feeling. She said she needs to sort her head out as its all over the place.
I have told her that now I bear no anger, hate or resentment towards her because of this situation. I completely understand just how powerful hormones can be, especially when some for of depression is added to the mix.
I can only assume what she would be feeling, as there will be a lot of guilt, regret, anger, self-loathing just to name a few.
I have told her that I forgive her and that my feeling towards her have not changed.
What do I do? Do I give her space? Or do I help her work get through it? I told her that I would never walk away from anybody at there lowest point. Regardless of if she wants to try again or not, I just want her to come through this and be in a better place.
My worry is if I give her space I will be forgotten and she wont want to be with me.
What do I do.

OP posts:
Bluesky85 · 15/08/2023 12:12

I just saw this and realised you had no replies. How is it going? My advice would be to give her space but also be a friend to her. Keep in touch and be open to meeting up etc. let her know you’re there for her. But don’t rush her into refuelling the relationship. She’s obviously been through a lot (as have you). However, for your own benefit also know when to call it a day if after a few months she is still saying she doesn’t want to be together.

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