Boyfriend has playlist dedicated to his ex

[Owlberry]

I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for about 7 months. He’s had a couple flings here and there but his last long term relationship ended in 2019. They’re still friends, follow each other on social media, like posts etc. which is fine. I struggle really bad with insecurities (which I’m trying my absolute best to work through) but one that has popped up for me recently is that they have playlists dedicated to each other on Spotify. They both had them throughout the relationship and have continued to update these playlists semi regularly over the last 4 years. I guess I’m worried that he’s still missing her or something. I’m debating whether I tell him how I’m feeling or if I’m just being silly over nothing.

When was the last update, and by who? WhT type of songs? Love songs or general music?

@Changedname23

The last time she added one was a month ago and his was 2 months ago. They’re mostly love songs, right person wrong time kind of songs. I think if they were just general songs my anxiety wouldn’t be as bad about it.

Sorry OP but sounds like they are pining for each other. I think you need to say it to him. It's very disrespectful to you.

Bin.

Why live life being insecure? A really good relationship would feel secure and comforting. Work on your anxiety but here it's telling you something.

I'd fuck him off just for being a soppy twat, how old is he 12?
Spotify playlist of love songs shared with his ex??
He's still pining for her don't waste any more time on him.
I've heard it all now.

Be careful which pot you watch boil....and I say this with experience.

Years ago, I went to a gig by myself as friends bailed and several band members tried to crack onto me afterwards, one being quite a famous musician. He started facebooking me and one thing led to another and we started seeing each other. Turns out his ex had broken it off about 9 months ago and he was still into her, even while dating me. Sad about it etc. Plus she was accomplished and rich parents - things I didn't feel I had.

I harped on about this for the whole of the rest of that year - he liked her, he still wished he was with her etc - until one day he sat me down and made me understand that I was building nothing into something.

At New Year, I decided I was too much woman to compete with other women for a man and that was the absolute end of it. No worrying, no stalking, no comparing - just getting on with being MY best and building something with that man. He soon forgot about her and we had a good few years together. I will never do this again. I do not compare and I do not put myself down - and I know men have had pasts. I have a past. But if I want to build something new with a man, that could last forever, I get on with building it strong and good and loving, and do NOT waste time hashing over his past. It will never come back around - don't let it hurt you with power you give it.

To be honest I think keepsakes of relationships are indicators that the people still care about each other, or one cares about the other. I know it isn’t the same for everyone; just my opinion there. This is really strange behavior by them. He’s with you, why are these two declaring that they’re right for each other but it was the wrong time? Is she hoping for him to eventually leave you and get back with her? You should probably say it to him but you already know the truth behind this I think. You aren’t being silly and it must definitely isn’t nothing.

@Owlberry sounds like he isn't really over the ex and if he cannot give your 100% of his focus then you shouldn't be with him.

He updated the ex playlist only 2 months ago. So he is thinking about her while you are together enough to add songs so that she can SEE he is thinking about her.

Throw him back. You are not the one he really wants.

@KarrieKoKo

I agree that it’s strange - I just wasn’t sure if it was my insecurities creating something out of nothing (something I’ve worked really hard on not doing).
I don’t think she wants to get back together, she’s in a happy relationship. They ended amicably as they both thought the relationship had run its course.

@something2say
Your situation is completely different. Yours is a good ethos, but I’m not sure it fits in this case

I have an ex, we ended on good terms, still have a catch up a couple times a year (just WhatsApp messages, not meeting up). We’re both big music fans so often will chat about what new bands were into and recommend songs. But they’re just general songs because we like music - nothing to do with feelings, right person wrong time etc. that would be crossing the line and definitely wouldn’t be okay as we’re both in committed relationships.

Fair enough, I just think that she can focus on building something amazing with this guy, which will eclipse the previous thing that ended. It cannot compare at this stage because it is only budding, but if she focusses on that, it will grow and this worry will fade off.

Don't ever settle for being someone's second best OP. It's not a good foundation to build a relationship on for a start.

Have I got this right? They update the playlists and the other person gets notified or at least can see?

To be honest while I am not saying ltb I wouldn't really like that - it's their private space they have created just the two of them.

The choice of songs interests me though and may not be as bad as you're reading it to be. If for example they both love particular bands they probably share their songs which would be similar. Adele for example has a very particular theme to her music. So if you became a fan when obsessed with an ex and then got over your ex you could still appreciate her vocal skills with your fully healed heart.

Have you spoken to him about it?

@Iwishmymumwouldbemymum
they don’t get notified but they can see - anyone can.

Haha, I guess that’s a different perspective. They’re both really into music, both play instruments etc so they obviously bonded over it.

No I haven’t brought it up yet. In past relationships I’ve ruminated over small things and caused myself so much anxiety so I’m trying not to work myself up over things like this. Thought I’d get a second opinion before I brought it up

I was seeing a guy for a year. It was our love of music that brought us together. We broke up amicably in 2019, and we do still send each other songs, not for any deep emotional reason - neither one of us is pining for the other - but because we love music. That said, to an outsider it could be misconstrued as us not having got over each other on close inspection of the songs we send, but it really isn't like that.

@Hadjab

let’s hope 🙃

That's heartbreaking to think about,if I was in this situation. 😭
I think that you should literally drop them. They should only be interested in having one shared playlist with one girl...YOU.
If you accept that then eventually you will be accepting other kinds of things, overnight hangouts, drop bys to each other's places, sending each other NSFW pics, emotionally connecting with each other. None are good for you in the relationship. Beware!! It will only get worse! DO NOT SETTLE! There are SO MANY more people out there who would treat you much better! Good luck! I hope for the best!! 🤞 🙏