Unsure about relationship.

[HappyHalley]

I have been with my partner for almost two years. We don't live together. I am divorced and have three children. He has no children, and has never married. We see each other around three times a week. He's very kind, funny, considerate. The children like him, and he seems to like them.
But he doesn't, and has never, said he loves me. I've tried telling him I love him, but he brushes it off, or ignores it. He does do a lot for me, and seems happy in my company. He certainly acts as though he loves me. Do I just put up and shut up?

You can’t force him to say it. He will when/if he’s ready.
I wonder if he doesn’t want to do the living together/marriage thing, so that’s why he doesn’t say it 🤔
What is he doing on the other 4 days you don’t see him ?

Have you spoken about long term future together? It does seem odd he’s not said it after 2yrs. Does he struggle to talk about his feelings in general?

I always think actions speak louder than words, but after 2 years I'd expect some sort of conversation about feelings and the future

When we're not together we do the usual things, see friends, work, hobbies, I spend time with my kids. He's always happy to see me, and we have a lot in common. I just feel like I can't bring it up, or he'll think I'm needy or ungrateful.

Does he have all the power in the relationship?

I think it depends upon what you want in the future 🤔
If you want marriage or living together, perhaps this isn’t the right person. But do you want those things more than you want a relationship with him ?
I think you’re going to have to have that conversation.

Why don’t you just ask him if he loves you?

Do you think that unless he actually says the words ‘I love you’ then the relationship is not real, or doomed?
I would rather have someone who showed me how they felt than someone who was always saying ‘I love you’ but not showing it.

I don't necessarily want marriage. Living together one day maybe. But it's tricky. I rent, he owns, I have kids etc. He does have all the power, I suppose. Earns twice as much. I do love him a lot, and actions do speak louder than words. I'd just like to hear it every now and again. But I suppose it doesn't matter in the long run.

I'm in similar situation, I've been with DP for 2.5 yrs, we see each other every day but he only stays over at wkends and he's not sure about moving in with us. I have DC, he doesn't.

He's never said I love you - he struggles with expressing any feelings due to childhood trauma, he shows he cares, does loads for me, is a very kind, genuine and honest person, and most of the time it's ok because I know he does love me but he can't express it. However sometimes it does get to me and I just want that reassurance. I hope in time that he will be able to do so, he has opened up quite a bit from how he used to be but it's a v slow process for him and so I have to be patient and understanding.

It's a much better situation than Ex-P who was a lying cheating cocklodger - but would frequently tell me how much he loved me, how special what we had was, how he'd never felt that way before, blah blah blah.

Yes, I tell myself the same. That my partner is a much better man than my ex who was a vile cheat. But my partner has no childhood trauma. He also didn't seem to have trouble expressing his feelings to previous partners. He also refuses to add me on SM, but has done with all his other partners. I just feel a little like I'm second beat, or that he's ashamed of me.

I just feel like I can't bring it up, or he'll think I'm needy or ungrateful.
If he does act like you are needy or ungrateful, that answers your question, doesn't it?

You're divorced - you've lived a bit. You are not under any pressure (real or imagined) to settle down and have children within a certain time. Why do you think you are still acting as if you have to be careful not to scare him off?

I do feel like I don't want to scare him off. That's why I never bring up anything that bothers me. Because I am frightened to lose him.

Why, though? He sounds pleasant enough, but this is quite a big flaw for you. Brushing off/ignoring something big and serious that you say is pretty rubbish. And if you think he'd really make you out to be needy or ungrateful - ugh. That attitude is worth "losing".

My dp also has trouble expressing this sort of thing, but he does always make me feel loved (which this guy does not, if you feel second best). In my previous long relationship, my ex made me feel like a bad person for expressing my wishes. In this relationship I was nervous about saying what I was thinking at first, because of the reaction I expected, but I bit the bullet anyway and was pleasantly surprised. We had a proper, equal discussion during which he admitted that he was rubbish at expressing himself. There was no suggestion that it was my fault; he was fully understanding. He brings it up himself sometimes, apologetically.

You need to look into why you are so desperate to keep this guy. It's not doing you any favours.

I'm keen to keep him, because I love him. Isn't that the same with everyone? He makes me happy. It's just this one thing that I keep getting stuck on.

We're all different! Not feeling able to voice my wishes as you describe is a love-killer for me. Until I had a proper heart-to-heart with my dp, I regularly wondered whether or not to end it, though he's the best partner I've had so far.
I love him and would be sad if it ended, but I don't feel the fear you describe. I would find the idea of being with someone I couldn't talk to more frightening, based on my previous experience - that gave me panic attacks!