Loveless marriage

[Suzanna786]

I’ve been married to my husband for a year now. However I’ve just come to the realisation that he doesn’t actually love me. I found out when his family and friends gossip about me, he doesn’t defend me, instead he gets brainwashed against me. On one occasion his siblings insulted me over a complete misunderstanding, and he didn’t stand up for me. I doubt he ever will.

I noticed he’s obsessed with me trying to please his parents and he tells me his love language is acts of service- actions for his parents rather than him! To me this means that my feelings are not his priority and his love for me is conditional on whether his parents are pleased with me. He has never asked anyone in his family to do a single thing for me to make me happy, not even on my birthday so where’s the love towards me?

He act like he respects everyone’s privacy so he doesn’t discuss other people’s relationships with me. However, I hear him gossiping with his brothers and friends about his own family drama and other people’s relationships, but he doesn’t tell me. If he does I’m usually the last to know. I feel like there’s no close bond between us. When it comes to me he doesn’t respect my boundaries as he tells his friends about our marital problems.

During this year, he’s been diagnosed with a health condition that has changed his life. I cried so much over this and I’ve been caring for him so much. But now that I’ve realised he doesn’t even love me I feel like a fool and I’m questioning if it’s worth staying in this marriage. His health condition means I’m in a sexless marriage, we’ll never be able to travel together, go on long drives, he won’t even be able to provide for me as he can’t work properly. Not to mention whenever I’m even slightly unwell he reminds me that he’s in a worse position, which means I can also give up being taken care of by him.

I don’t feel fulfilled in this marriage, and even after discussing everything with him many times he hasn’t changed. I am scared to leave just because I wanted to start a family soon as I’m nearly 30 and I don’t know if/ when I’ll meet anyone else. I would say his only good traits are that he’s very funny there’s never a dull moment, he’s faithful, has good control over his anger, and I guess when I’m upset he comforts me and does sweet things for me. When it’s just me and him things are fine, but whenever there’s a situation involving anyone else, I am always the least important to him no matter what.

You are young enough to start over, don’t settle for good enough, you are worth much more….

There doesn’t sound like enough to stay for by a long shot.

sexless marriage
loveless marriage
unequal financial partnership/ employment
no loyalty
lack of caring when ill
no holidays or shared leisure time
unkind in laws

this is too much! Pls do consider a different partner may be able to offer you so much more!!

You should leave. I have dated someone who I felt was still part of his parents family unit, not in our own after a few years together. You never feel like you the closest person to him. But with the health issues I would run. Don’t let him guilt you into staying because of his health issues. You still have time to start over if you want a family. Good luck.

How are you going to start a family in a sexless marriage?

if you have a child, how will you manage financially as he doesn’t work? You’ll need to go back to work really quickly to ensure you have money coming in to pay bills.

cut your losses, and leave sooner rather than later so you have time to meet someone who will love you and treat you well.

You’re still so young op; don’t waste your time with him anymore

Please don’t settle for this. You deserve so much more and if you are this unhappy a year in, it will only get worse.

Assuming he even managed to get you pregnant, think about your future. You will be expected to work full time, care for the child as well as him and run the house with no help. Either the child will be welcomed by extended family, in which case you’ll be treated as an incubator and bystander at your child’s most important moments, or they will be hostile to them too.

If you leave now, you give yourself a chance to find someone who cherishes you and fulfils you. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 31/32 and we managed to have 3 children - I had my first when I’d just turned 35. So time is still on your side.