Am I overreacting, or am is this disrespectful?

[ConfusedInLex]

Been with my fiance almost 6 years and engaged for 1.5yrs. We are great together, I don't think either of us would complain about our relationship. However, there are 2 similar instances that bother me and I'd like other's take on them.

1. Like many couples, we share updates of our lives on social media. When she shares anything that includes me, one "friend" never interacts. She says because he's loyal to her ex-husband. However, he interacts and comments whenever she shares a pic of just her. And they communicate via messenger or texts. I realize it's social media and I'm being a little jealous, but this doesn't seem right to me. A "friend" of hers would comment/interact regardless.
2. Another "friend" acts the same - no comments or interactions if I'm involved. But is always there when it's just her. He goes one step further and has messaged her telling her how hot she looked in her pics and would be in big trouble if HIS fiance knew he was saying these things. My fiance said that I shouldn't worry, he's harmless. To me, that's not the point. It has gone too far.

So, am I overreacting in these instances, or are these things a little disrespectful to our relationship?

Honestly this is all a bit much, don't you think? . This is why I don't have Facebook or Instagram. Best decision I ever made.

You are ridiculous. Your fiancee has a right to have 'interactions' which don't involve you, by electronic means and also in real life.

Yabu

How closely are you watching your fiancée's FB pages to even notice this?

You sound like a couple of teenagers ... why the need to share your lives on social media and bother to care who comments?

OMG, I cannot even imagine monitoring who comments on my husbands Facebooks posts. Hypothetically of course because he is 49 and doesn’t post anything.

He goes one step further and has messaged her telling her how hot she looked in her pics and would be in big trouble if HIS fiance knew he was saying these things

I mean friend 2 sounds like a slimy git and not somebody I'd want to be commented on by.
Apart from that, maybe unfollow your partner for a while, focus on your real relationship and stop obsessing over internet likes.

So, do you have a spreadsheet, OP?

Friend 2 sounds creepy but also I would be comfortable with a man messaging me and telling me it would get him trouble with his girlfriend.

However this whole post is bizarre do you really go through who likes her posts and tick off who has and hasn’t liked or commented?

Why do you feel people need to comment or like posts that include you?

I wouldnt be comfortable

Why are you monitoring her socials like that? Sounds like you don’t trust her

How do yo even know? Why are you checking, reading all the comments and analysis ing them? Red flag - for your partner though.

Seriously, how much time do you spend stalking her on social media? Why not spend the time with her instead?

You’re reading way too much into this. Take a break from social media

It's all rather childish. Just a thought - don't go on social media, it's nonsense. Live a real life and just get on with it

People like OP have the need to brag or to have their existence validated by others. It comes from having low self-esteem.

You don't have social media because you have a controlling partner like OP who would police how people interact with you?

You're being ridiculous.

Yabu...you're not the boss of her now. You don't get to control who interacts with her on facebook ffs...or who thinks she's attractive. The first friend's agenda is completely ignorable (it's up to him) and as for the second friend, it's a case of 'thanks' and on to the next thing. Neither of them are doing anything that's a tangible threat to you. Why on earth would you seek to create over it?

You are way too young to have a fiancée. You need to grow up first.
Part of it is getting off SM - or at least quitting monitoring your partners ‘likes’ and comments - as a way to assess the strength of your relationship.

You sound really insecure and jealous. With time this will become more and more of an issue in any relationship - unless you figure out a way to change.

Sound's like you've been reading her private messages as well?

Not good OP.

Thanks all. I reversed the roles to see if that mattered. You helped me make my point. Appreciate it. Good day.

Ah it's a reverse. Op you're partner is controlling and this is grim.

I knew this was a reverse the second I started reading it. Whatever the roles, social media is not working for your relationship so why not both just leave it?!

I think people who get hung up on being disrespected are often insecure. If you respect yourself and feel confident in your relationship, you give much less of shit about someone else's disrespect being a threat. If you trust your fiance, then none of this would matter. If you don't, the social media is not the real issue here.