Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

When they put this on dating profiles

28 replies

regularusers · 27/07/2023 01:53

Recently signed up to bumble and had a few matches

One guy I matched with states he's sex positivity on his profile and his "what he's looking for" is (not sure yet)

Would this make you think he's just looking for sex and nothing else?

I'm really trying to date intentionally and not waste time on people who are looking for different things to me

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 27/07/2023 02:02

He's "sex positivity"? What does that mean? But yes if he doesn't know what he's looking for, it's probably a series of willing vaginas.

AcrossthePond55 · 27/07/2023 02:07

According to the BBC

"Those who talk about sex positivity note that at its core, the term is about openness to a variety of sexual orientations, interests (or lack thereof), identities and expressions."

On a dating profile I guess it could mean anything from letting prospective dates know he's not a homophobe to being open to trying different 'lifestyles'.

If you're interested in this guy, I'd just ask him what he means when he uses that term. If you don't like the answer, block and move on.

Pinkbonbon · 27/07/2023 02:13

Hmm...

I have 'not sure yet' on mine. Because the way I see it, what I'm looking for will depend on each individual person. I might just want to see what's under their shirt. Or I might want love and fireworks and the whole shebang. Depends.

I think someone saying they are sex positive though...I mean...you can be that and not need to say it. If someone is mentioning that on their profile...I'd assume they were only looking for sexual stuff.

I mean he could have just said he was Bi.
But if you think you could fancy him then there's no harm in asking.

Vegandiva · 27/07/2023 02:53

if you’re looking for a relationship, HARD swipe left on this joker 🤡

Tinybrother · 27/07/2023 03:09

“Sex positive” means that if you don’t do what he wants he will accuse you of being “sex negative” or worse

avoid

SamW98 · 27/07/2023 07:20

I’m on bumble and seen this on a few profiles recently. I gave no idea what it means either 🤷‍♀️

I’ve got not sure yet on my profile as it’s the best fit from the limited options - I don’t want casual but not looking for a relationship from the start so it’s a ‘date and see how it goes’ for me - it wouldn’t put me off matching with someone

mangochops · 27/07/2023 07:24

Ok, I googled it and got this: "sex positivity means taking a shame free view on sex that sees it as a normal part of being human". Bit weird as surely the majority of people see sex as a normal part of life anyway??? To me, that either means he's into kinky stuff and wants partners to go along with whatever he sees as sexy or he doesnt mind dating people who are bisexual etc

Yeah, also agree that if you arent into his kinks he'll probably accuse you of being "sex negative".

chocobaby · 27/07/2023 07:25

Don’t know about sex positive but not sure on a dating profile if I’m looking for a relationship will be a hard pass. That signals ‘I’m just here to faff about, waste your time, ghost you if I need to and then if somewhere along those lines I like you enough we can try out a relationship’. No one starts a relationship right off the bat, but someone who’s dating intentionally as you are would most likely say ‘relationship’ as that’s what they ultimately want.

fluffypinkclouds · 27/07/2023 07:28

I would interpret from that he wants mainly all kinds of sex. So, sex being the focus for him, rather than a long term or committed relationship

JerkintheMerkin · 27/07/2023 08:03

I am completely baffled when people put that in their profile. Surely people know what they want be it a relationship, hook up, FWB or whatever. How can you be on a dating app and not be sure of what you want? This wishy washiness is very off-putting. To me it means "let's have sex first, then I'll see if I like you and if I don't then next!" That would be a hard swipe for me.

TattoedLady · 27/07/2023 08:40

If you're dating intentionally "not sure yet" isn't aligned with what you want for yourself.

Attraction/chemistry is something that happens between two people. In that sense everyone needs to meet someone to see if there's spark. It has nothing to do with whether their long term intention a shag, a casual date or a relationship. Someone who's "not sure yet" doesn't want casual but will date you for a while to see if they want a relationship, is hedging their bets. Waste of time.

In your position I'd met guys who are looking for a relationship and see if the attraction pans out.

Pinkbonbon · 27/07/2023 11:44

JerkintheMerkin · 27/07/2023 08:03

I am completely baffled when people put that in their profile. Surely people know what they want be it a relationship, hook up, FWB or whatever. How can you be on a dating app and not be sure of what you want? This wishy washiness is very off-putting. To me it means "let's have sex first, then I'll see if I like you and if I don't then next!" That would be a hard swipe for me.

Well I do know what I want. I want a relationship OR a roll around with a hottie. That's 2 seperate things. So 'not sure yet' is applicable. Certainly doesn't mean I want to waste anyones time. Just means what I want will depend on the person.

I also am happy to swipe on men who say relationships or not sure yet. Yes they might end up being time wasters who want to date but not get serious. But plenty of men lie about wanting a realtaionship too. So it's six and half a dozen. And if they're cute then you can do a bit of snogging over a few drinks and then move on. Dating is supposed to be fun. Not just a means to an end.

hev126 · 27/07/2023 11:55

regularusers · 27/07/2023 01:53

Recently signed up to bumble and had a few matches

One guy I matched with states he's sex positivity on his profile and his "what he's looking for" is (not sure yet)

Would this make you think he's just looking for sex and nothing else?

I'm really trying to date intentionally and not waste time on people who are looking for different things to me

It's a couple of years since I've used bumble but based on other PPs responses it sounds like something he's picked from a drop-down rather than something he's written himself in the free text bit?

If the latter I'd be slightly less worried

hev126 · 27/07/2023 11:55

Sorry, if the former I'd be less worried!!

SamW98 · 27/07/2023 12:20

Pinkbonbon · 27/07/2023 11:44

Well I do know what I want. I want a relationship OR a roll around with a hottie. That's 2 seperate things. So 'not sure yet' is applicable. Certainly doesn't mean I want to waste anyones time. Just means what I want will depend on the person.

I also am happy to swipe on men who say relationships or not sure yet. Yes they might end up being time wasters who want to date but not get serious. But plenty of men lie about wanting a realtaionship too. So it's six and half a dozen. And if they're cute then you can do a bit of snogging over a few drinks and then move on. Dating is supposed to be fun. Not just a means to an end.

Show quote history

I’ve got not sure yet because bumble only gives 4 (I think) drop downs and that’s the most accurate one for me.

If anyone puts casual then i take that as after a shag - whereas it could mean casual go with the dating which is probably close to what I’m looking for but by putting casual I would get the men looking for hook ups.

And as for wanting a relationship - well I really don’t know whether that’s what I’m looking for either.

So I personally see don’t see don’t know yet as being a negative at all.

And as you say, plenty of men say they want a relationship then say ‘oh well I’m not actually looking for anything serious’

SamW98 · 27/07/2023 12:21

hev126 · 27/07/2023 11:55

It's a couple of years since I've used bumble but based on other PPs responses it sounds like something he's picked from a drop-down rather than something he's written himself in the free text bit?

If the latter I'd be slightly less worried

Show quote history

It is a drop down and the options are pretty limited.

Crikeyalmighty · 27/07/2023 12:22

I think anyone who put it would put me off anyway

hev126 · 27/07/2023 12:33

Crikeyalmighty · 27/07/2023 12:22

I think anyone who put it would put me off anyway

To me it depends what the other options are?

Crikeyalmighty · 27/07/2023 12:35

@hev126 there is that too!

SamW98 · 27/07/2023 12:38

hev126 · 27/07/2023 12:33

To me it depends what the other options are?

Show quote history

IIRC

Marriage
Relationship
Something Casual

hev126 · 27/07/2023 12:42

Sorry, I meant the other options on the drop-down that has "sexual positivity" on it?

SamW98 · 27/07/2023 12:46

hev126 · 27/07/2023 12:42

Sorry, I meant the other options on the drop-down that has "sexual positivity" on it?

Ah sorry. Just had a look and it’s listed in the interests under the self care section.

It’s new I think. I’ve only been on bumble a short time and don’t remember seeing it when I signed up.

GreyCarpet · 27/07/2023 12:53

I would assume 'sex positive' means not monogamous; or kinks he's not disclosing (fair enough) but will shame you for not accommodating (on the basis you're being negative).

Tbh, when I did online dating. I completely avoided anyone who made any reference to sex in their profile. Eg if they'd even selected 'a sweet spot not on the list' as their best feature, it was a hard no! Everyone knows that everyone else on a mainstream dating app is looking for sex. Whether in a committed relationship or casual. It doesn't need spelling out! So I avoided anyone who did.

I didn't meet anyone suitable for a long term relationship for me but I didn't have any horror stories either.

Livelifelaughter · 27/07/2023 13:00

Why does it look like a red chilli?

GreyCarpet · 27/07/2023 13:28

Does it represent 'hot'?

The way it does on spicy food 🌶 🌶 🌶

And implies they're sexually a bit 😈..?