Just found husband having an affair

[Daisyde]

Hi,

Found out tonight after some detective work that I’m not going crazy, my DH has been having an affair for months with a woman from work (our 1st wedding anniversary is next weekend). He’s gone back to his mums and I’ve stayed home. We have a small amount of debt on credit cards that are in his name and a joint account that just the bills come out of. My heads an absolute mess I’m not sure how I move forward from here, I feel like i’m watching someone else's life blow up. He’s all i’ve ever known and thought we had such a happy marriage just had a feeling something was off but he blamed stress at work. Think I just need a hand hold and some advice on how you got through it would be massively appreciated 😭😭 Thank you.

Ah OP I really feel for you. I've been there. I was only married around a year before discovering ExH's affair with a woman from work. The shock is awful, especially in the early days, but I did struggle for a good while to come to terms with everything. It's completely normal.

Only time can heal this, it's a horrible time but you will come through it and one day it will all just be a horrible memory.

@Dotcheck the house is in both names. Going to have a look in the filing cabinet this afternoon and get some documents together, make a start.

@Daisyde why do these blokes bother getting married if they can't even get as far asa year without looking for extra or at least discussing any issues

@Daisyde and yes he is an awful person to do this - let him self loathe away-

I really feel for you OP. I've been there too. Luckily we were renting. Only married a few weeks when he started seeing a young boy. I felt ashamed that my marriage was over almost before it began. Now I realise that it wasn't my fault at all. It's certainly not yours. As it's an irretrievable situation, get your bank account, paperwork etc. sorted, see a solicitor and rid your life of him. I found a wonderful husband later on and I'm sure you'll find happiness too.

a joint account that just the bills come out of

Contact the bank as soon as you feel able and ask what's the best way to go ahead. Bills still have to be paid while you're getting your head together and making decisions.

And I'm so sorry for your pain. At least mine had the grace to wait a few years.

He’s a piece of shit, it’s very fortunate that you have found this out before having any kids. You can make a clean break - let your parents support you in doing this.

of course you are grieving. you are grieving the loss of the life that you had planned together. what an absolute piece of nothing he is. look there is only one bright side to this and its not much to hold onto but still.... at least you found out now one year in and not five years or after you had had children together. you dont need to talk to him at all. you can do all the talking through a solicitor. block him from your life. i bet he is crying he had his cake and was eating it. someone to come home to and someone for the excitement of an affair. hes like a spoilt child. you move on from him. you show him every day what sort of person you are by going out and living your best bloody life without him. fill him full of regret at passing you over for a quick shag.

Here are my tips: Cut contact with him completely. If he tries to call you, change your phone number. If he has to call round for stuff, please have someone else with you.

Make a new email address just for contact with him about financial information/essential divorce info - Protonmail is free and secure. Don't talk to him or let him talk to you - he will try and make his terrible behaviour your fault. Get your half of savings out of the account immediately.

You'll be okay. Any man engaging with Onlyfans or any paid or unpaid service where men masturbate to women online or in person is not marriage material - ever. This destroys the bond that is unique between a couple. What's the point of being married to such a man? Pointless.

Take care and please remember to eat - even if it's just fruit and toast. 🌺

I got over my last relationship by listening to songs about being strong. Think Survivor by Destiny’s Child, Stronger by Britney Spears type songs. At the same time I reminded myself of all his bad points and wrote them down. It trained my brain to think that it wasn’t a bad thing it was an empowering thing. That I was better off without him - which I was, and so will you be.

Bless you it's really tough. This happened to me and I so regret not leaving.....worst decision ever. Back then there were no phones or MN and I just walked around in a daze. We did marriage counselling and tried and I thought everything was all good but sadly not. Just wasted years unfortunately

My only advice is get your game face on and treat him with the utmost contempt at every opportunity. He's just not worthy xx

@Daisyde it does get easier as time goes on, hope you choose what's best for you going forward