Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is it time to split?

36 replies

DietCokeIsUnderrated · 26/07/2023 22:23

Regular poster NC for this.
So DH and I are currently on day 4 of not speaking, we had an argument due to his moodiness and tantrums basically, it sounds ridiculous but bear with me.
He had tools in the kitchen I've been asking him to move for the last week or so, at the weekend I was wanting to get my kitchen cleaned as weekends are my only time to give the house a proper clean due to working. Aswell as the tools he has other random shit dotted about that frankly is getting on my nerves so I told him on Sunday I wanted to sort the kitchen and basically please move your shit.
Cue a massive tantrum from him, he opened the back door and slung the tools into the garden saying fine I'll just throw everything etc, then saying I'm a nag and he's sick of my moods?
For context I wasn't moody with him nor do I nag, him on the other hand goes off on one and acts like a complete child. The above is just one example from a long list.
It's like having another child and to be honest I'm sick of it! We'd only just made up on Sunday from his random tantrum on Saturday night that's a whole other thread.
Now I'm thinking do I want to be with him? His moods and tantrums have been issues in the past but nothing ever changes.
We have an 8 year old together who we both adore but part of me wishes it was just me and her and wishes he'd fuck off!
He doesn't do as much round the house as I do, for example he'll wash up or stick a wash on but that's pretty much his limit.
Is it time to split?

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 27/07/2023 14:20

DietCokeIsUnderrated · 26/07/2023 23:14

@HundredMilesAnHour I don't think he'd do it, he hates talking about his feelings.
To an extent he's always been like this although he's gradually got worse over the years

But I think if it was that or break up he might be willing, he probably has no idea you're considering divorce. If he's not willing to do it and would rather divorce than try then....

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 27/07/2023 14:22

Also does he not see what a baby he is being literally throwing his toys out of them pram, you only asked for them to be moved so that you could clean the home he lives in 😩😩😩😩😩

You need to have a general conversation about labour in the house how to divide it up what you can both commit to doing, what should you do if someone isn't pulling their weight etc. maybe even make it into a little competition with a chore list with extras and whoever does the most gets to choose movie on movie night etc with your daughter involved too with her own simple chores - do this not as an argument but as a proactive problem solve.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 27/07/2023 14:23

But also if you do want to leave him just go ahead and get rid! Only you know when enough is enough

fetchacloth · 27/07/2023 14:27

Your husband sounds like a man-child OP.
Time to reconsider I think.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 27/07/2023 14:33

You only need to give your own self permission to leave.

Yes its time to split. His silent treatment towards you now is a further example of emotional abuse.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 27/07/2023 14:35

Stop further doing your bit here to model such a terrible, not just to say an abusive, relationship to her. She cannot afford to learn such crap lessons about relationships from the two of you. She needs to learn, as do you, that the only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

Original poster
DietCokeIsUnderrated · 27/07/2023 14:40

Thank you for all your replies I've read them all.
He is at work today and had already left by the time I got up. DD and I have had a day out, I sent him some pictures of our day out on WhatsApp and he replied with a heart emoji.
Time for a tough talk when he gets home I'm not prepared to let this impact DD anymore

OP posts:
Valeriekat · 30/07/2023 17:34

Peppermint81 · 26/07/2023 22:34

Sounds quite petty reasons to break up your family.
Talk when you both calm, say how much his tools etc and whatever else bother you. Sort out the minor issues.
Do you spend a lot of time together or apart?

If you think this is petty I dread to think what your relationships are like!
OP you can't live like this!

Tangerinedreams3 · 30/07/2023 17:39

This was like my ex husband. Eventually he left, child, the big man child that he is.
Your husband is being completely unreasonable and the pattern is scarily similar
If you do nothing, and yours follows the same trajectory as mine, he will fester for a few more years and then suddenly announce he is done! He will then probably move on to start a less demanding relationship where he can call all the shots.
Honestly be doesn't deserve you

AccidentallySuckedTheStrippersDick · 30/07/2023 17:39

@Valeriekat

Couldn't agree more. How is it pet when it's your DH throwing tantrums after being asked repeatedly to clean up after himself and then giving you the silent treatment when he can't joke his way out of it?!

LocalHobo · 30/07/2023 17:41

He had tools in the kitchen I've been asking him to move for the last week or so, at the weekend I was wanting to get my kitchen cleaned
So this is your kitchen? Does he have a separate kitchen?
In our house, we share a kitchen, so either of us can keep what we want there. Are you a tidy freak?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page