Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Completely heartbroken. Anyone else I same boat?

21 replies

Lilaclala · 26/07/2023 17:33

My partner of 2 years dumped me a week ago our of the blue because he said he couldn't see himself living with my children long term, despite him always saying hecwas in it for the long haul. Howling does this horrible feeling last? I really loved him

OP posts:
nalabae · 26/07/2023 17:42

I had a similar thing with a guy who lead me to believe I was his gf then said "I don't want to feel like I'm cheating by taking out other women" after two years of me being exclusive to him.
This guy actually stalked me for years after, complete weirdo.

Anyway you have dodged a bullet, as I did. Your guy is a toy man that's needs to grow up. You will find someone that accepts you and your children

Original poster
Lilaclala · 26/07/2023 17:49

We had actually started talking about mortgages etc. These were all conversations initiated by him and he's seemed so keen over the last 2 years. Then throws a massive wobbly out of the blue saying he's worried that he'd end up resenting and having ne and my children and that his time wouldn't be his anymore. He made me so happy and I feel like my world has come crashing down. Feel like I'm sinking into a depression. Have been drinking heavily since it happened and don't feel able to parent my children properly.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilaclala · 26/07/2023 17:51
  • hating not having
OP posts:
gamerchick · 26/07/2023 17:54

Stop drinking. Your kids will be confused.

He's shown himself before you got in too deep a man who can't fully accept your kids isn't worth the tears OP. Take it one day at a time, you and your kids don't deserve you falling apart.

Please ask for some support from your friends/family. Can the bairns go to their dads for a bit maybe while you come to terms with things?

StGertrude · 26/07/2023 17:56

Stop drinking op. Your children come first.

GrazingSheep · 26/07/2023 17:57

Have been drinking heavily since it happened and don't feel able to parent my children properly.

Are your children safe?

TwilightSkies · 26/07/2023 17:59

It’s sad that you were so enmeshed in the relationship that you feel like your life is over. Drinking won’t help, it’ll make you feel worse.
There’s NOTHING wrong with being single. Pull yourself together for your children, they need you to be stable and strong. Falling apart because a relationship has ended isn’t good for them to see.

Original poster
Lilaclala · 26/07/2023 17:59

My parents have been helping me but my kids dad is absolutely useless and sees them once a fortnight at a push. He also has a new baby on the way.
I just feel so shocked and let down. After the father of my children left me my ex was the light in my life. He has all the qualities I wanted in a partner and was so kind, attentive and funny. It feels like he never really loved me at all...

OP posts:
StGertrude · 26/07/2023 18:16

Drinking when you're having a hard time only guarantees that tomorrow will be even harder.

Annoying but true.

LakeTiticaca · 26/07/2023 18:19

He'd been honest with you. He can't see himself taking on someone else's children. He's probably done you all a favour in the long run

Original poster
Lilaclala · 26/07/2023 18:26

I know. Its just the fact he led me to believe he was committed, only to suddenly duck out at the last minute. I keep asking myself if there's anything I could have done to prevent this? Could I have offered to have a child with him myself to make it more of a 'family unit'. He never expressed interest in having children with me but I can't help wondering...

OP posts:
Badhairday101 · 26/07/2023 18:31

My ex broke up with me 6 months ago, we'd been together for 5 years. We'd been on countless holidays together with our families and kids, saw each other lots, spoke everyday and spent every weekend together. Then out of the blue he text to say he wasn't happy and that was that, I'm still not entirely sure why but don't really care anymore. I'm a different person now than I was then, have stronger boundaries and it was for the best.
Honestly you'll be absolutely fine. It's uncomfortable for a little while but just focus on yourself and your kids. If this is the way he feels you just need to let him go because you've got a life of your own to live.

startingover202 · 26/07/2023 21:47

He probably thought he could do it but when discussions about mortgages etc came up he probably realised the enormity of what he was taking on.

Dating someone with kids and still having time and space to do your own thing is one thing.

Being responsible financially, emotionally, physically and mentally for young children that are not yours is completely different.

Do you work? How old are the children?

startingover202 · 26/07/2023 21:49

And please stop drinking.

It might numb the pain temporarily but it will prolong the pain in the long run.

Original poster
Lilaclala · 26/07/2023 21:55

They are 8 and 3. I have a small online business that I don't have a lot of time for.
I just feel so let down. Like the last 2 years meant nothing to him and that he never really loved me. If he loved me then surely he wouldn't just drop me so abruptly out of his life like this. I am not going to drink any more. I'm just in shock that's all. I can't believe how suddenly someone can become a stranger.

OP posts:
jelly79 · 26/07/2023 21:59

Please OP don't focus on all the negatives and hurt of this situation. As much as you are allowed to feel them you need to focus on what you really have

Your babies and yourself! Pick yourself up and stop drinking! It is not a coping mechanism! Turning your phone off, go out for the day! Be present with your children

Heartbreak hurts so much. But it will ease! That's a promise! It will ease quicker without the booze

startingover202 · 26/07/2023 22:04

I don't think he didn't love you.
He just loved himself more.

I think for some people to move on they become cold just so they can do so. They shut their feelings down.
Awful for you as it probably feels he's a different person.

Your children are so young. Concentrate on them and also yourself.

You might not think so but in time you'll be ok.

You never know what or who will come into your future.
I bet there have been times in the past that have been as bad and you got through it and good things came your way again.

Things will get better. You just can't see that right now.

Original poster
Lilaclala · 26/07/2023 22:28

startingover202 · 26/07/2023 22:04

I don't think he didn't love you.
He just loved himself more.

I think for some people to move on they become cold just so they can do so. They shut their feelings down.
Awful for you as it probably feels he's a different person.

Your children are so young. Concentrate on them and also yourself.

You might not think so but in time you'll be ok.

You never know what or who will come into your future.
I bet there have been times in the past that have been as bad and you got through it and good things came your way again.

Things will get better. You just can't see that right now.

I've never ever felt heartbreak like this.

OP posts:
startingover202 · 26/07/2023 23:19

Bless you op.

Things will get better in time but I completely understand how you feel.

Look after yourself, try and keep busy with your children and maybe put more time into your business to distract yourself.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/07/2023 23:30

I went through this with the man I thought was the love of my life also been with him for two years a few months ago, I was 8m pregnant at the time! So having his baby definitely wouldn't have kept your guy if he was going to leave...

All I can say is time is a healer if you use it wisely I have found counselling really helps and let your friends and family know asap so they can support you. With time o cam now look back and see the flaws that I was ignoreinf in him/the relationship. I'm focusing on my baby and getting stronger now x

Original poster
Lilaclala · 15/08/2023 15:37

Badhairday101 · 26/07/2023 18:31

My ex broke up with me 6 months ago, we'd been together for 5 years. We'd been on countless holidays together with our families and kids, saw each other lots, spoke everyday and spent every weekend together. Then out of the blue he text to say he wasn't happy and that was that, I'm still not entirely sure why but don't really care anymore. I'm a different person now than I was then, have stronger boundaries and it was for the best.
Honestly you'll be absolutely fine. It's uncomfortable for a little while but just focus on yourself and your kids. If this is the way he feels you just need to let him go because you've got a life of your own to live.

Were you shocked and heartbroken? Did it take you a long time to get over it. I am a month jn and still a complete mess x

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread