Relationship concerns

[Baz2008]

I was reading another post on here about concerns with their wife making new male friends. I am in a similar boat and I guess I'm writing sharing the info here for hopefully some personal comfort...

My wife and I have been married 15yrs as of next week. In earlier 2022 she had started talking more and more with a married friend of ours. It escalated in late 2022 to the point where they wanted to start being intimate with each other and even made plans to use going dancing every week as a place to meet up. Long story short, I found out and the wife of said guy found out and it ended.

Since this happened, this have been going great and we both made changes that needed to be done. Fast forward to now, she made a new male friend (single) while dancing and now they text each other daily. She has been open about it with me and as far as I know, she said they don't have any plans to hang out. When they first met, she described him as that he wasn't getting the hint that she was married. Again, she kept me informed but never tells me what they talk about, nor have I asked.

I may have overstepped the other day as she was flying home and her best friend couldnt pick her up from the airport. She said her new friend offered to come pick her up (she already had a co-worker coming out), cause it wouldnt be a burdon on her co-worker since it was a midnight arrival. I did express my feelings that I wasn't comfortable with someone that most likely is interested in being more than friends coming to pick you up at midnight, alone. I was home with the kids so it wasn't possible for me. This is where I may have overstepped, I messaged her friend on FB just reminding him that she is married and left it at that. He ended up letting my wife know I messaged him and then I got the backlash of that. I assume I was wrong with that move and regret it but I never said they could stop being friends or talking.

Any advice? I was looking up some marriage counseling to help have a third parties view on everything but we do talk already so I am not sure how much it would actually help.

I'm sorry OP but it sounds as if your wife is looking for someone else to have an affair with. And not hiding it very well.

Although that may not be the case at the moment, grant it, I'm taking her word for it but that is exactly what my mind goes to if it were to continue and if it progressed. She never really got much attention growing up as she was always shy and after last year, she started to become more outgoing. So now guys seem to be more interested in her and I think she enjoys it and doesn't see any issues talking with them or texting if they go that far. She just reassures me that shes not interested in anything other than being friends.

The big issue we worked on after that first incident, was my lack of endearment for her. After we had kids, she spent most of her time with them and work and doing farm stuff (hobby farm). So we never were able to take time to just ourselves, we would be lucky for once a year. I kept saying, once the kids are older, it will be easier and it did get easier but the damage was done. She got used to doing things on her own or with just the kids. So now, she is working on wanting to do more stuff with just the two of us when possible. This is the positive that I have been looking at and that she still wants to do things together and still wants to make plans for the future....I just hope shes not telling me all this because it'll keep me around and its convenient since I help with chores and can watch the kids on her dancing night.