My mother and my aunt

[Currysoup]

My mother and my auntie (her sister). They never had a fight that I know of. They were never estranged. There was a gap between them seeing each other for some years when we (me and my siblings and cousins) were all younger. My aunt is now retired. My mothe revert really worked and she was on benefits but she is well into the reinterment age now.

It was about 6 years ago when my aunt started to visit more often. I thoroughly enjoyed her visits and company. My mother is someone if she doesn't want anyone coming ine she will turn around and invite them in anyways and fake it and host them for an afternoon and make tea and give biscuits.
My mother doesn't really like visitors. I think my aunt realised that and she used to not call or text before coming knowing my mother will make excuses to turn her away.

Over the past three years my mother developed a disgusting tone about my aunt. One day my aunt came to visit and I liked seeing her. She came to our door and my mother invited her in. The underlying tonefrom my mother was that she was not wanted but she faked it and made tea and they enjoyed chatting together too.

When my aunt left my mother broke out in anger to me ranting about her sister - who does she think she, coming here, flaunting her size 8 jeans. My aunt wasn't flaunting anything by the way and also she is definitely not a size 8 either. I think she is more like a size 12. Definitely not a size 8. It was just so horrible and I saw my mother's face. Her face was stewing up about her sister.

My aunt had a close death within her family (son). My mother hardly made an appearance to support her. My mother made excuses about the funeral and hardly made an appearance. She went to the second day of the funeral and when she met everyone, she treated it like a teenage disco, hooking onto the arms of other sisters and other friends she grew up with and skipping to the toilets at the back of the church.

Lately, my mother broke out in another rant about her sister. It came out of nowhere. Ranting about her saying things like she would never shop in the likes of Primark or Tesco or Asda because she thinks she's too above them and she's someone who will only shop in (naming upmarket and boutique shops).

Again this isn't true about my aunt. My aunt is lovely and down to earth. My mother's tone was just horrible and there was an underlying tone of jealousy and envy. Even though my aunt worked hard all her life and even if she does shop in higher end shops, she worked for it. My aunt is someone who would be a mix of where she shops.

There was another incident a few years ago where my mother rsvp'd as attending to one of my cousin's weddings because she felt she had an obligation to go but she didn't want to go and when the day of the wedding came, my mother turned and refused to go making up a lie and she got me to go instead and do the dirty work in front of her family and tell them all lies that she was sick. She wasn't sick. She just didn't want to go. Why didn't she just RSVP as not attending in the first place instead of being so awkward and weird about it.

I'm just coming to realise there's something horrible and rotten within my own mother. She's so bitter and angry and envious.

She’s like my mother, toxic.

Your mother is a very sad, bitter person and there's not a thing you can do about it. It's awful and I'm sorry.

I hate my mother's demeanor and tone about my aunt. My mother was angry about where her sister shops for jeans and in my mother's words , it's not in Primark or Asda. It was just horrible. It's just absolutely horrible from her. She hardly attended her nephews funeral which I think is by far the worst. If it was one of my brothers who died and my mother was mourning she would want the world to stop but her nephew, her sister's son and she really didn't care about him. It was so cold and ruthless.

It's been a year since my aunt came to visit. I think maybe now she might know there's something up with her sister (my mother) and she's stepping back from her.

It's been nearly a year since they have seen each other and my mother was angry and bitter and envious about where her sister shops for jeans.

It's disgusting from my mother

I remember when my cousin (aunts son) died. It was a friend of me and the family who rang me to ask me did I hear anything about X and Ihe told me the news. I rang my mother to let her know. My mother became upset as to why she wasn't told personally by her sister and I explained to her that the news is just after breaking and she's probably on the way to the morque to identify her son's dead body. My mother was still upset as to why she wasn't told. I had to tell her that she's likely very busy and stressed and upset right now and she will gets round to do it. A short while passed and it was an uncle who was tasked with the job of notifying the extended family.

My mother was a narcisstic scumbag as to how she turned her nephews death around onto her self and her feelings and she was upset as to why she wasn't notified personally.

It's not nice to see this sort of thing is it. Be glad you are getting a lesson in how NOT to behave. My sister once (in one sitting) 1) made fun of people who earn only £25 an hour and 2) made fun of my African artist friend's name. I felt horrible sitting there and I don't see her at all now.

Are you still living at home?

There's no way my aunt sat in our lounge room behaving like that - insulting everyone and mocking everyone in sight and giving my mother a reason to turn on her. My mother knows how to act and conceal her hatred against her own sister. She acts and as soon as she's gone she explodes in ranting into my ear. Why is my mother being so two faced. If she doesn't want visitors, can she not just say that isstead if shouting my aunties ass in jeans. It's horrible behaviour from her.

Wow, sounds just like my mother. I wonder if there is jealousy or resentment from when they were children, but it must make you feel terrible as you probably really like your Aunt. No advice to give apart from to try to not let it affect your relationship with your aunt.

its a rude awakening when we really SEE our parents flaws

I don't think there is jealousy or resentment between them from when they were younger. The rent rant from my mother about my anytime was about my aunties clothes and where she shops and she would turn her nose up to Primark and Asda and Tesco and secondhand clothes shops and shop in more upmarket shops and boutiques. None of this is true by the way. The underlying tone from my mother was one of financial bitterness. Even though my aunt worked all her life. Not only that she overcame so much. Even if she does shop in higher end shops, she worked for it and overcame so much.

My mother has a general tone of disgust when it comes to other people and money and there's definately something there like envy and she not only wants what they have, she's not happy with what they do have.

My mother's marriage was a mess and he was abusive. 30 years on, she's still bitter about him. It's nearly as if she won't ever be happy with her sister/my auntie unless she suffers a similar faith. Even though she had her own troubles herself in a different way. She dealt with cancer, sickness and continued to work and then death with the death of one of her sons. Even though my mother's hand of cards is not that bad. She never had to deal with sickness or cancer or the death of one of her sons.

I'm just not able to understand how my mother can't wish my auntie well and how she frowns upon some little things. If she doesn't like her, all she has to do is step away and quit being two faced and be done with it once and for all.

Your mother doesn't sound like a very nice person but you have absolutely no idea about their relationship as children and whatever issues or resentments still remain from then. When adult siblings get together they do tend to fall back into old feelings and habits of behaviour, no matter how unreasonable they are.
You'll just have to see your aunt outside of your mother's home.

I forgot to mention something else in my post.

My mother's general tone against my aunt is one of jealousy and the underlying theme is one of money.

They have a few siblings and one brother got the inheritance from their mother who was last to die. That inheritance was some land, the family home and some money. I don't know how much. That inheritance was over 15 years ago.

My mother to this day behaves as if my uncle is rich due to all he got, all them years ago.

I do t believe he is rich. My mother has a poor tone about her brother too and again the underlying tone is one about money.

It's pure bitterness and envy over what other people have. That's all it is. It isn't just a resentment between two sisters. It's coming from every angle from my mother.