Here we go again

[hereagainagainagain]

Long time user but I've NC.

I know the advice I'd give to my friends, but I'm really struggling to accept my own advice.

I've been with someone over a year, and known from early on he has depression. Recently he's gone into another 'down period' and I know why but won't say on here as it is outing. However, he has now ended things between us but says it's because I deserve better. It's really starting to annoy me because I'd rather he was just honest and say he's just not that into me anymore than use this as an excuse. I know it doesn't matter the reason, and that it's over, but I feel he's putting the blame onto me.

He told me he hopes that he will one day realise he is good enough for me because he wants nothing more than to be with me, but that he can't be right now. I've been with someone before who has depression, and whilst I am sympathetic, I feel like this guy is almost using it as an excuse.

I know that it's over and that I should just accept it. I've told him not to contact me again in a romantic sense but that I will be there if he needs me, because I wouldn't want anyone who is struggling with depression to be alone. He still sends me a short message every couple of days just saying he hopes I'm ok and thanks for being there, I'm not sure why he's sending these when he has ended it.

Whilst i know we should both move on, and I wish him the best, I am if I'm honest absolutely devastated that it's over, as literally a month ago he was making huge life plans for us.

Why can't people just be honest if they're not feeling it anymore? It would be so much easier to get over as opposed to now feeling the urge to keep reminding him he does deserve to be with me! Argh. Please help me to move on.

Seems to me that he's acknowledging that he isn't in a good place due to his depression, he doesn't want to burden you, and says you deserve better.

Oh I'm so sorry it's so disappointing!

You have to believe him though and don't wait for him. He has been honest and he doesn't have it in him to give him
What you deserve- there may well be more to it but he's made his feelings clear. All you can do now is focus on yourself and moving on and meeting someone else. Xx

Thanks both, I know you're both right and it doesn't matter the reason but it's so hard. I'd rather he just said "we've had some great times but I'm just not feeling it anymore". Instead I take it upon myself to try and convince him he does deserve me.

I'm doing everything I can to try move on, deleted him on social media, trying to keep busy with friends and work, doing stuff out of work, trying to better myself, but I still find myself hoping he'll message and relentlessly checking my phone. I know I should block him but I said I'd be there for him if he needs me, and I think if I'm honest, it was probably more for me so that I know I can always contact him and hope he will one day message me saying he's made a mistake and he wants me.

Ah I feel like a teenager again.

I've told him not to contact me again in a romantic sense but that I will be there if he needs me, because I wouldn't want anyone who is struggling with depression to be alone.

Stop being a doormat, op. He is fucking you around and you're falling for his woe-is-me act. He's a self-absorbed, self-indulgent user and he's enjoying keeping you on his leash.

Block this fuckwit. If he needs help, he can get a therapist because you aren't one.

It sounds like you're sending him mixed messages. You say you want to be friends but don't like him texting you.

End it properly. 'I think we should make a clean break. I wish you all the best but I'm not interested in being your emotional support as I have to take care of my own wellbeing first and foremost'.

Then block once he has read it.
You don't owe him anything, he made his choice.

Yup, more good advice I needed to hear.

I've told him I don't want him to message me but secretly I do as I'm hoping he'll suddenly realise what he's lost, but I know he won't.

I guess I was just hoping it was his depression and he'll come back. But I know if I was advising my friends I'd say what you said.

I know I'll get over it in time, but why does heartbreak always feel so bad?!