Trying to sell a house with an abusive narcissist..Help!

[Jess501]

Not sure if anyone can give me advice but I'm at the end of my tether and feel so trapped I don't know the best way to move forward.

My ex said that he didn't care what agent we used to sell our house as long as it was 1% fee and the house would be going up for a certain amount of money. I found an agent that agreed to both, had also sold a house up the road and was strongly recommended by a friend. I arranged the appointment and everything was good.

I gave feedback to my ex (who I'm still living with) and says he wants to speak to more agents. I explained that I've already done research and that this agent has proven they can sell a house that was exactly the same as ours.

He just keeps setting goal posts - I reach them and then he changes them again.
He wants me to sort it because he hasn't got time but then thinks he can do it better.

I can't afford to move out rent and pay my mortgage so I feel like I'm at the mercy of him.

Has anyone experienced this and how did you move forward please??

Do you have to agree it with him? If it's the listed price and the fee he said then could you just go ahead with that agent and get the house listed? What's the worst that could happen, it has to be taken down? If you don't feel you can do this I'd suggest finding another agent and just going ahead with them if they can offer the same deal.

@OhwhyOY The agent makes you sign a contract and you both have to sign it if the house is jointly owned. I wish I could but legally I can't do this

It will be his way and the hardest way. It will be extremely difficult, I don't think you ever fully get rid of a narcissistic ex, they always keep away to get to you.

Flatter the backside off him (grit your teeth). Oh you are so much better at these things than me, I found two agents but which one do you think would be better. Then you have done the leg work and he can just feel the glory of making the decision. Then praise his good decision making etc.

once you are rid of all entanglements, you can always tell him some home truths

I have found an agent I think is reasonable if you are unhappy I suggest you do some research and find a new agent. Otherwise I'm going to get the contract and I expect you to sign. I will give you 1 week to make progress on a different agent and if I don't hear anything I will proceed with my agent. Otherwise get the divorce going and he will be forced to get the house sold.

He is used to you backing down. Maybe try showing him a you aren't going to budge on this?

Get divorce and then judge tell what to do . It cost a lot but you will be free

I took it to court as we were getting nowhere. Took two years and cost a few thousand but in the end I got a much better outcome then what he wanted lol. Ended up with 83/17 split! Well worth the time and cost.

You cannot reason with a narcissist. For them it is all about control. There is no such thing as a fixed goal - the goalpost will always be moved.

Flattery sometimes works. Fawning over them and simpering. Letting them think they are superior and right about everything. Pretending to allow yourself to be charmed by his insight. It's an exhausting dance, but it can work sometimes.

However, remember rule 1 that you cannot reason with him.

So you might have to bite the bullet and do as @Whydothat1 did. Expensive, time consuming, but at least there will be an end to it.

Mine put a cctv system on it and alarms with smoke bombs in the end to scare me into stopping as none of his other moves worked. Always remember they need to win at all costs. My only saving grace was in the end he met another lady and used the “my evil ex stole my house at court” as victim supply, worked in my favour really as I thought I’d have to get bailiffs involved.